20 Blame Shifting Examples in Different Settings & Relationships

Ever had someone twist a situation so much that, somehow, you ended up taking the blame for something they did? That’s blame shifting in action. It’s frustrating, confusing, and—if it happens often enough—can make you start questioning your own reality.

Blame shifting shows up in all kinds of relationships: romantic, family, workplace, even friendships. It’s a common tactic people use to dodge responsibility and protect their ego, often at the expense of someone else’s sanity.

In this post, we’ll break down 20 real-world examples of blame shifting in different settings. By the end, you’ll know exactly what it looks like, why people do it, and—most importantly—how to recognize it before you get caught in the blame game.

What blame shifting is and is not

Blame shifting happens when someone dodges responsibility by pinning their mistakes or failures on someone else. It’s a defense mechanism—a way to avoid dealing with the fallout of their own actions.

But let’s be clear: blame shifting doesn’t solve anything. It damages relationships, stunts personal growth, and keeps people from learning important lessons. Owning up to mistakes and focusing on solutions is a much healthier (and more effective) way to handle challenges.

Common examples of blame shifting

Blame shifting can show up in all kinds of ways. Here are some real-world examples you might recognize.

Examples of blame shifting in romantic relationships 

1.The Cheating Deflector: When caught being unfaithful, they shift the blame to their partner.‍

• Scenario: You find evidence of an affair on your partner’s phone and confront them. Instead of taking responsibility, they say, “Maybe if you weren’t so distant lately, I wouldn’t have needed to look elsewhere for affection. This is really your fault.”

2. The Anger Projector: They blame their partner for their own emotional outbursts.

• Scenario: Your partner comes home from a stressful day at work and snaps at you. When you express hurt, they fire back, “If you didn’t nag me the second I walked through the door, I wouldn’t get angry. You’re the one who needs to change.”

3. The Housework Dodger: Instead of helping, they deflect by criticizing your standards.

• ‍Scenario: You ask why they haven’t been pitching in with the dishes. They respond, “You’re so picky about how things should be done. Remember when you rewashed the dishes I cleaned? If you’re going to be that controlling, it’s better if I don’t do them at all.”

4. The Financial Fault-Finder: They blame their spending habits on you.

• ‍Scenario: You notice a large, unexpected credit card charge and ask about it. Instead of explaining, they say, “Well, if you didn’t insist on eating out so much or buying expensive groceries, I wouldn’t need to use the credit card. Your spending is the real problem.”

5. The Emotional Manipulator: They blame their lack of emotional support on your needs.

• ‍Scenario: You tell your partner you feel neglected and wish they were more affectionate. They respond, “I would be if you weren’t so needy all the time. Your constant demands push me away. If you were more independent, I’d naturally want to be closer to you.”

Examples of blame shifting in friendships

6. The Flaky Friend Flipper: They cancel plans last minute but make it your fault.

• ‍Scenario: You’ve been looking forward to movie night for weeks, but an hour before, they text to cancel. When you express disappointment, they say, “You know how busy I am. If you were a real friend, you’d be more flexible. Your rigid expectations are the problem.”

7. The Borrowed Item Blamer: They never return borrowed items and somehow you’re the bad guy.

• ‍Scenario: You remind them about the book they borrowed months ago. They scoff, “I can’t believe you’re still hung up on that. If it was so important, you should have asked sooner. Besides, real friends don’t keep score.”

8. The Secret Spiller: They share your private info, then blame you for not setting clearer boundaries.

• ‍Scenario: You find out they told others about something personal you shared in confidence. When you call them out, they say, “Well, you never said it was a secret. If you’re that sensitive, you should be clearer about what I can and can’t say.”

9. The Group Dynamic Disruptor: They create tension but insist everyone else is the problem.

• ‍Scenario: They make sarcastic, borderline hurtful comments about people in your friend group. When the group starts distancing themselves, they say, “If you guys weren’t so cliquey and sensitive, we’d all get along fine. It’s your exclusive behavior, not my jokes, causing problems.”

10. The Favor Forgettor: They accept help but never return the favor—and blame you for expecting it.

• ‍Scenario: After helping them move, fix their car, and pet-sit, you ask for a small favor in return. They refuse and say, “Wow, I didn’t realize you were keeping score. Friendship isn’t about expecting things in return. Your materialism is ruining our friendship.”

Examples of blame shifting at work

11. The Deadline Denier: They miss deadlines but insist it’s someone else’s fault.

• ‍Scenario: A team project is due, but your coworker hasn’t finished their part. When the manager asks why, they say, “I couldn’t complete it because Sarah didn’t give me the data in time. If she were more organized, I would’ve met the deadline. This delay is on her.”

12. The Meeting Monopolizer: They waste time in meetings but blame everyone else for inefficiency.

• ‍Scenario: After they spend 30 minutes discussing unrelated topics, the meeting runs over. Later, they complain, “We never get anything done because no one else comes prepared. If you all contributed more, we wouldn’t waste so much time.”

13. The Credit Thief: They take credit for others’ work, then gaslight those who call them out.

• ‍Scenario: Your coworker presents your idea as their own. When you confront them, they respond, “I was just representing our team’s effort. If you’re going to be so possessive about every little thing, it’s going to make teamwork impossible. Your ego is the real issue here.”

14. The Feedback Deflector: They reject constructive criticism and make it your fault.

• ‍Scenario: In a performance review, your manager suggests areas for improvement. Instead of taking it in, they reply, “I don’t think you’re seeing the full picture. If you had communicated expectations more clearly from the start, this wouldn’t be an issue. This is really on you.”

15. The Project Saboteur: They fail to complete tasks, then blame the team for not supporting them.

• ‍Scenario: A project is delayed because they didn’t finish their work. When questioned, they say, “I didn’t get enough support from the team. If you all had been more available to help, we wouldn’t be in this mess. The lack of teamwork is the real problem.”

Examples of blame shifting with family members

16. The Chore Evader: They dodge household responsibilities by shifting blame onto others.

• ‍Scenario: Your sibling hasn’t done their share of housework for weeks. When confronted, they say, “If you and Mom weren’t so obsessed with everything being perfect, this wouldn’t even be a problem. Your unrealistic standards are the issue, not my cleaning habits.”

17. The Financial Faulter: They make poor financial decisions but blame the family for their stress.

• ‍Scenario: Your parent makes an expensive, unnecessary purchase, putting strain on the budget. When you express concern, they respond, “If you kids didn’t need so much money for activities and gadgets, I could afford to treat myself. You’re the reason we’re struggling, not my spending.”

18. The Holiday Havoc-Wreaker: They stir up drama during family gatherings but make it everyone else’s fault.‍

• Scenario: Your aunt makes several insensitive comments at dinner, making others uncomfortable. When someone calls her out, she retorts, “If this family wasn’t so uptight and politically correct, we could actually enjoy our time together. Your oversensitivity is ruining the holidays, not my honesty.”

19. The Parental Guilt-Tripper: They forget responsibilities and blame their child for it.

• ‍Scenario: A parent consistently forgets important events in their child’s life. When the child expresses hurt, they respond, “If you didn’t have so many activities, I’d be able to keep track of everything. Your busy schedule is what’s making me forget, not my lack of attention.”

20. The Sibling Rivalry Instigator: They create competition between siblings, then blame the others for being difficult.

• ‍Scenario: An older sibling constantly compares achievements, creating tension. When confronted, they say, “If you weren’t so jealous and competitive, we’d actually get along. Your insecurity is the problem, not my success.”

Impact of blame shifting

Blame shifting can have lasting effects on the recipient, affecting their emotions, behaviors, relationships, and overall well-being.=

Emotional toll:

• Decreased self-esteem and self-worth
• Increased anxiety and stress
• Feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and guilt
• Emotional exhaustion from constantly defending oneself

Psychological effects

• Development of trust issues
• Difficulty in decision-making and assertiveness
• Potential development of depression or other mental health issues
• Distorted sense of reality (gaslighting effect)

Behavioral changes

• Tendency to over-apologize or take responsibility for things beyond their control
• Avoidance of confrontation or expressing needs
• Hypervigilance in relationships
• Difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries

Relationship impact

• Erosion of trust and intimacy in personal relationships
• Strained family dynamics or friendships
• Reduced productivity and collaboration in professional settings
• Social withdrawal or isolation

Long-term consequences

• Perpetuation of unhealthy relationship patterns
• Difficulty in personal growth and self-improvement
• Potential for developing codependent behaviors
• Challenges in forming and maintaining healthy future relationships

Recognizing these impacts is crucial for individuals experiencing blame shifting, as it can be the first step towards seeking help, setting boundaries, and breaking the cycle of emotional manipulation.

Understanding blame shifting behavior

Blame shifting is often rooted in deep-seated psychological and emotional issues. While understanding its origins can provide insight, it’s important to recognize that these explanations do not justify or excuse the behavior.

• Low Self-Esteem – Those with a fragile self-image may deflect blame to protect their sense of self-worth.
• Fear of Failure – Admitting mistakes can feel overwhelming, leading some to shift responsibility elsewhere.
• Lack of Accountability – Some individuals were never taught to take responsibility, often due to permissive parenting or a lack of consequences.
• Narcissistic Tendencies – Those with narcissistic traits may believe they’re incapable of being at fault.
• Learned Behavior – If blame shifting was modeled during childhood, it can become a default coping mechanism.
• Avoidance of Shame – For some, experiencing shame feels unbearable, so they will do anything to avoid it.
• Control Issues – Blame shifting can be a way to manipulate situations and maintain control.
• Cognitive Dissonance – It can be easier to blame others than to confront inconsistencies between one’s actions and self-image.

While these factors may explain blame shifting, they do not make it acceptable. This behavior damages relationships, erodes trust, and stunts personal growth.

Dealing with blame shifting

For those who engage in blame shifting, recognizing its negative impact is the first step toward change. Seeking professional support, developing self-awareness, and practicing accountability can help break the cycle.

For those on the receiving end, understanding the roots of blame shifting can foster empathy—but it should not lead to tolerating or enabling the behavior. Healthy relationships require accountability, and setting firm boundaries is essential for maintaining respect and fairness.

Here are some approaches to consider:

Recognizing blame shifting

• Be aware of common blame shifting phrases like "You made me do it" or "If you hadn't..."
• Notice patterns of deflection and refusal to take responsibility
• Pay attention to your emotional reactions - feelings of confusion or defensiveness may indicate blame shifting

In the moment

• Stay calm and composed
• Avoid becoming defensive or emotional
• Use "I" statements to express your feelings and observations
• Redirect the conversation back to the original issue
• Set clear boundaries about acceptable communication

Long-term strategies

• Document instances of blame shifting for your own clarity
• Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist
• Work on building your self-esteem and confidence
• Practice assertiveness and clear communication skills

When to seek professional help

• If the behavior is persistent and damaging to your wellbeing
• When you're struggling to maintain boundaries
• If you notice a pattern across multiple relationships
• When the blame shifting is part of a larger pattern of emotional abuse

Addressing the blame shifter

• Choose a calm moment to discuss the behavior
• Use specific examples to illustrate the pattern
• Express how their behavior affects you
• Encourage them to seek professional help if needed

Self-care practices

• Engage in regular self-reflection to maintain your sense of reality
• Practice stress-reduction techniques like meditation or exercise
• Maintain a support network outside of the relationship
• Set aside time for activities that boost your self-esteem

When to consider ending the relationship

• If the blame shifting is part of a pattern of emotional abuse
• When the behavior persists despite clear communication and boundary-setting
• If your mental health is significantly impacted
• When the relationship consistently brings more stress than positive experiences

Remember, while you can provide support and encouragement, ultimately, the blame shifter must take responsibility for changing their behavior. Your responsibility is to protect your own well-being and maintain healthy boundaries.

Final thoughts

Recognizing and addressing blame shifting is a crucial step toward building healthier relationships and fostering personal growth. While confronting this behavior can be difficult, remember that you deserve respect, honesty, and accountability in your interactions.

Whether you're dealing with blame shifting from a partner, friend, family member, or colleague, prioritizing your emotional well-being is essential. Setting and maintaining clear boundaries can help protect your mental health and prevent manipulation.

If blame shifting is a recurring issue in your relationships, seeking professional help can be invaluable. A therapist or counselor can offer guidance and practical strategies to navigate these complex dynamics.

Fostering a culture of personal responsibility and open communication not only strengthens your relationships but also enhances your own self-awareness and emotional resilience. You have the power to break the cycle of blame and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling connections in all areas of your life.