13 Emotional Invalidation Examples & Scenarios

Have you ever shared your feelings with someone only to be met with dismissive or unsupportive responses? Maybe they told you to "just get over it," "stop being so sensitive," or to "look on the bright side." 

These are all examples of emotional invalidation: a painful experience that can leave you feeling unheard, misunderstood, and doubting the validity of your own emotions.

Emotional invalidation can come from well-meaning friends, family members, or even therapists who fail to acknowledge and validate your feelings. 

Over time, this lack of emotional support can erode your self-esteem, make you feel isolated, and exacerbate mental health issues like depression and anxiety. 

In this article, we'll look into common emotional invalidation examples to help you recognize this harmful behavior in your own life. 

By understanding what emotional invalidation looks like, you can start to set boundaries, advocate for your emotional needs, and surround yourself with people who offer genuine understanding and support.

Understanding Emotional Invalidation

What is Emotional Invalidation?

Emotional invalidation is the act of dismissing, minimizing, or denying another person's feelings or experiences. It essentially tells them that their emotions are wrong, unimportant, or unjustified. Invalidation can be intentional or unintentional, but the impact is always damaging.

How Does It Differ from Healthy Emotional Responses?

Healthy emotional responses involve acknowledging and validating another person's feelings. This doesn't mean agreeing with them, but rather showing empathy and understanding. Here's the key difference:

• Validation: "It sounds like you're feeling upset about that situation. I can see why that would be frustrating." (Focuses on acknowledging the emotion and offering support)
• Invalidation: "Don't be upset, it's not a big deal. You're overreacting." (Minimizes the emotion and dismisses the person's experience)

Long-Term Effects of Emotional Invalidation

When someone experiences emotional invalidation repeatedly, it can have lasting negative consequences. Here are some potential long-term effects:

• Low Self-Esteem: Chronic invalidation can erode a person's sense of self-worth and make them question their own judgment.
• Difficulty Expressing Emotions: People who are invalidated for expressing their emotions may learn to suppress them altogether, leading to emotional isolation and difficulty in relationships.
• Increased Anxiety and Depression: Invalidation can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression, as it undermines a person's sense of security and emotional well-being.
• Difficulties in Trusting Others: Repeated invalidation can make it difficult for people to trust others with their feelings, leading to strained relationships and difficulty forming healthy attachments.

By understanding the impact of emotional invalidation, we can learn to recognize it and address it in a healthy way.

Categories of Emotional Invalidation Examples

Examples Based on the Source of Invalidation

• From Parents/Caregivers 
  • Examples: Dismissing fears, pressuring you to "be strong"
  • Scenario: A child tells their parent they're feeling anxious about an upcoming school presentation. The parent dismissively says, "There's nothing to be afraid of, everyone gets nervous. Just suck it up and do your best." (This invalidates the child's feelings of anxiety and pressures them to suppress their emotions).
• From Romantic Partners
  • Examples: Making light of insecurities, shutting down communication
  • Scenario: A partner is feeling insecure about their body image and expresses this to their significant other. The partner responds by jokingly saying, "Seriously? You look great!" or brushes off their concerns by changing the subject. (This invalidates the partner's feelings and minimizes their insecurity).
• From Friends/Peers
  • Examples: Teasing, brushing off concerns
  • Scenario: A friend is going through a tough breakup and confides in their friend group. The friends respond by making light of the situation with jokes or dismissive comments like, "Get over it, there are plenty of other fish in the sea." (This invalidates the friend's grief and minimizes the emotional impact of the breakup).
• From Strangers/Society
  • Examples: societal expectations, stigma around emotions
  • Scenario: A man feels overwhelmed and tearful in public due to a personal situation. Bystanders stare or make disapproving comments, reinforcing the societal expectation that men should suppress their emotions and appear stoic. (This invalidates the man's emotional response and perpetuates the stigma around men expressing sadness).

Examples Based on Invalidation Tactic

• Minimization
  • Examples: "It's not a big deal," "Everyone feels that way sometimes."
  • Scenario: A student receives a bad grade on an important test and feels discouraged. Their parent tries to minimize their feelings by saying, "It's just one test, it doesn't define you. Everyone gets bad grades sometimes." (This invalidates the student's disappointment and minimizes the importance of the test).

• Comparison
  • Examples: "At least it's not worse," "You shouldn't feel that way, look at what X is going through."
  • Scenario: A spouse loses their job and feels anxious about the future. Their partner responds with, "At least you have your health, some people have it much worse." (This invalidates the spouse's legitimate concerns and uses comparison to dismiss their feelings).
• Denial
  • Examples: "That didn't happen," "You're just overreacting."
  • Scenario: A child is being bullied at school and tells their teacher. The teacher dismisses the child's concerns by saying, "That's not happening, you must be imagining things." (This denial invalidates the child's experience and discourages them from seeking help).
• Emotional Bypassing
  • Examples: “Don't think about it," "Just get over it."
  • Scenario: A friend is going through a difficult family situation and feels overwhelmed. Their friend might respond with, "Don't dwell on it, just try to distract yourself and move on." (This emotional bypassing invalidates the friend's need to process their emotions and encourages them to suppress their feelings).
• Pathologizing
  • Examples: "You're too sensitive," "You need to relax."
  • Scenario: A colleague expresses frustration with a demanding workload. Their coworker might respond by saying, "You just seem really stressed lately, maybe you should take some time off to relax." (This pathologizes the colleague's valid frustration and implies it's a personal issue rather than a workload problem).

Examples Based on Emotional Response

• Invalidation of Sadness
  • Examples: Dismissing grief, telling someone to "cheer up"
  • Scenario: A partner loses a close relative and is deeply grieving. Their significant other might respond dismissively with, "They're in a better place now, don't be so sad. You should try to be happy for them." (This invalidates the partner's natural grief and pressures them to suppress their sadness).
• Invalidation of Anger
  • Examples: Telling someone they shouldn't be angry, labeling them "hot-headed"
  • Scenario: A customer encounters a rude service representative and expresses their frustration. The representative responds by saying, "There's no need to get angry, it's not that big of a deal." (This invalidates the customer's right to be angry and dismisses the legitimacy of their frustration).
• Invalidation of Anxiety/Fear
  • Examples: Downplaying anxieties, telling someone to "calm down"
  • Scenario: A public speaker experiences pre-performance anxiety before giving a presentation. A friend might try to downplay their worries by saying, "You're overthinking it, everyone gets a little nervous. Just calm down and you'll be fine." (This invalidates the speaker's anxieties and minimizes the impact of their fear).
• Invalidation of Happiness/Excitement
  • Examples: Met with skepticism or negativity
  • Scenario: A teenager gets applies to their dream college and shares their excitement with a family member. The family member might respond with skepticism, saying, "Are you sure you can get in there? It's a very competitive school." (This invalidates the teenager's happiness and casts doubt on their future).

How to Respond to Emotional Invalidation

Being invalidated can be hurtful and confusing. Here are some tips to help you navigate these situations.

Identifying Invalidation in the Moment

• Pay attention to your gut feeling: If someone's response makes you feel dismissed, unheard, or belittled, it's likely a form of invalidation.
• Listen for the tactics mentioned earlier: Minimization, comparison, denial, emotional bypassing, and pathologizing are all red flags.
• Notice a shift in your emotional state: Did you feel understood before their response, and now you feel upset or unheard?

Strategies for Responding to Invalidation

• Stay calm and assertive: Take a deep breath and avoid getting defensive.
• Use "I" statements: Clearly express how their response made you feel. For example, "I felt hurt when you said [their comment]. I was hoping you could listen without judgment."
• Set boundaries: If the person continues to invalidate you, politely excuse yourself from the conversation. You can say, "I need some time to process this," or "Let's talk about this later when we can both be calm."

The Importance of Self-Compassion and Validation

Remember, you are entitled to your emotions. Don't rely solely on others to validate you.

• Practice self-compassion: Acknowledge your feelings, and offer yourself kindness and understanding.
• Validate your own emotions: Tell yourself, "It's okay to feel this way" or "My feelings are valid."
• Seek support from a trusted friend, therapist, or support group: Surround yourself with people who respect and validate your emotional experience.

By following these tips, you can learn to recognize invalidation and respond in a way that protects your emotional well-being. Remember, you deserve to be heard and understood.

Final thoughts

Recognizing emotional invalidation is crucial for protecting our emotional well-being and fostering healthy relationships. When we understand how invalidation can make us feel unheard and dismissed, we can learn to assert ourselves and set boundaries. 

Remember, your emotions are valid. By practicing self-compassion and prioritizing healthy emotional expression, you can create a life filled with authenticity and supportive connections.