20 Examples & Scenarios of Gaslighting in Different Settings & Relationships

Have you ever questioned your own reality? Maybe you distinctly remember a conversation with a friend, but they swear it never happened. Or perhaps you confided in your partner about feeling hurt, only to be told you're "overreacting" or "too sensitive." 

These situations could be signs of gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse that chips away at your sense of self.

In this blog post, we'll dive into the world of gaslighting, unpacking its core concept and the manipulative tactics used. But more importantly, we'll explore real-life examples of gaslighting across different relationships – romantic partnerships, friends, family, and even colleagues. 

By understanding the various ways gaslighting can manifest, you'll be better equipped to recognize it in your own life and take steps to protect yourself.

Understanding gaslighting tactics

Gaslighters have a toolbox of tricks to manipulate your perception of reality. Here, we'll break down some common tactics and how they play out.

• Denial and minimizing: This is a one-two punch that chips away at your confidence. Imagine you tell your partner they said something hurtful. They might flatly deny ever saying it, leaving you questioning your memory. Then, if you persist, they might minimize it with a dismissive "Oh come on, you're being too sensitive."
• Triangulation and isolation: Ever feel like you're constantly competing for attention? This could be a sign of triangulation. A gaslighting friend might introduce a new person and pit you against them for their affection. Isolation is another tactic, where the gaslighter discourages you from spending time with supportive friends or family.
• Blameshifting and guilt-tripping: Gaslighters are masters at never being wrong. If something goes wrong, they'll twist the situation to make it your fault. Maybe you come home late after work, and they make you feel guilty for ruining their evening. Suddenly, your need to earn a living becomes an attack on their happiness.
• Red flag phrases: Be wary of certain phrases that can be indicators of gaslighting. These might include:
  • "You're overreacting"
  • "You're too sensitive"
  • "You're imagining things"
  • "Nobody else would believe you"
  • "You're crazy"

Remember, these are just a few examples, and gaslighters can be very creative in their manipulation, whether intentionally or not. By being aware of these tactics and the red flags, you'll be better equipped to identify them and protect yourself.

Gaslighting examples & scenarios

Gaslighting in romantic relationships

Gaslighting in a romantic relationship can be incredibly confusing and emotionally draining. Here, we'll explore five common tactics gaslighters use, followed by a specific scenario that illustrates how each tactic plays out. Keep in mind that some people gaslight intentionally, and other people gaslight without knowing they're doing it. Both are harmful, but some are more manipulative than others.

• The reality fabricator: This tactic involves outright denying reality or twisting events to fit their narrative.
  • Scenario: You witness your partner clearly sending a flirty text to someone else. When confronted, they deny it entirely, claiming the phone must be malfunctioning or you're misinterpreting the message. This leaves you doubting your own perception and questioning your sanity.
• The Gaslighting gift-giver: This manipulative tactic uses gifts or grand gestures to downplay bad behavior and create emotional debt.
  • Scenario: Your partner knows they messed up and did something hurtful. They apologize with an extravagant gift or gesture. However, later they use this act of "kindness" to manipulate you, saying things like, "After all I did for you, how can you still be upset?" This clouds the issue and makes you feel bad for having boundaries.
• The gaslighting mind reader: This tactic involves making assumptions about your feelings and using them to deflect blame.
  • Scenario: You're feeling down but haven't said anything. Your partner insists they know exactly why you're upset and blames you for something unrelated. They might say, "You're mad because I didn't wash the dishes, aren't you?" This deflects from your true feelings and makes you feel like you're overreacting.
• The gaslighting gaslighter: This tactic involves turning the tables and accusing you of gaslighting when you try to address a problem.
  • Scenario: You bring up something that's bothering you in the relationship. Your partner turns the tables, accusing you of gaslighting them by questioning their behavior. This deflects blame and makes you feel like the manipulative one.
• The gaslighting ghost: This tactic involves using the silent treatment as a form of punishment and control.
  • Scenario: After a disagreement, your partner withdraws completely, refusing to communicate or acknowledge your presence. This silent treatment isolates you and makes you feel like you're responsible for fixing the situation, even if you weren't the one at fault.

Gaslighting from family members

These are common examples of how gaslighting can show up in family dynamics.

• The amnesiac parent: This parent conveniently forgets past events, especially ones that paint them in a negative light.
  • Scenario: You mention a childhood incident where your parent said something hurtful. They scoff and deny ever saying such a thing, leaving you wondering if you imagined it.
• The selective supporter: This family member only offers support conditionally, based on whether your choices align with their desires.
  • Scenario: You express your desire to marry your romantic partner. This family member, who previously told you that they don't like your partner, downplays or ignores your valid reasons to marry your partner and pushes you to reconsider.
• The projectionist: This family member accuses you of their own negative traits or behaviors.
  • Scenario: You catch your sibling lying about something. They get defensive and turn the tables, accusing you of being a compulsive liar, deflecting from their own actions.
• The gaslighting gatekeeper: This family member controls information and communication within the family, often to manipulate situations.
  • Scenario: You try to have a conversation with another family member about a past event, but the gatekeeper intervenes, insisting they weren't there or don't remember as an attempt to control the narrative about the particular event.
• The triangulator: This family member creates drama by pitting family members against each other for their own attention or amusement.
  • Scenario: You and your sibling are having a disagreement. Your parent inserts themselves into the conversation, taking sides and fueling the argument, creating a hostile environment.

Gaslighting in friendships

Here, we’ll cover specific examples of ways that your friends might gaslight you.

• The minimizer: This friend dismisses your feelings and experiences, making them seem insignificant.
  • Scenario: You confide in your friend about feeling hurt by something a coworker said. They brush it off as "not a big deal" and suggest you're overreacting, leaving you questioning your own emotions.
• The competitor: This friend constantly strives to outdo you, turning friendships into a competition.
  • Scenario: You land your dream job and excitedly share the news. Your friend downplays your achievement by mentioning a promotion they recently received, making you feel like your success isn't good enough.
• The information distorter: This friend twists or rewrites events to fit their narrative, often making you look bad.
  • Scenario: You and your friend have a disagreement in public. Later, your friend tells another friend a skewed version of the story, making it seem like you were the one causing problems.
• The jealous saboteur: This friend secretly undermines your happiness or success out of jealousy.
  • Scenario: You're planning a trip with other friends. Your jealous friend constantly criticizes your chosen destination or tries to convince others to cancel, hindering your plans.
• The conditional confidante: This friend only offers support when it benefits them or provides them with gossip.
  • Scenario: You open up to your friend about a personal struggle. They listen intently, but only because they're eager for details to share with others later. When you need genuine support, they become unavailable or disinterested.

Gaslighting in the Workplace

Gaslighting isn’t exclusive to personal relationships. Here are ways in which it can take place in professional settings.

• The credit grabber: This colleague steals your ideas or takes credit for your work, then downplays your contribution.
  • Scenario: You spend weeks developing a project proposal. In a meeting, your colleague presents the proposal as their own, making minimal mention of your involvement. When you confront them later, they claim they "just forgot" to acknowledge you.
• The micromanaging gaslighter: This superior bombards you with excessive instructions and nitpicks your work, then blames you for any mistakes.
  • Scenario: Your boss gives you detailed instructions for a task, then constantly checks in with micromanaging behavior. Later, if there's an error, they claim you didn't follow their instructions closely enough.
• The gaslighting gatekeeper: This colleague or superior controls access to information or opportunities, hindering your work and making you feel powerless.
  • Scenario: You need specific data for a project, but a colleague who hoards information refuses to share it. They claim the data doesn't exist or that you don't have the necessary clearance, making it difficult for you to complete your tasks.
• The gaslighting gaslighter: This colleague or superior deflects blame by accusing you of gaslighting them when you try to address a problem.
  • Scenario: You point out inconsistencies in a colleague's report. They get defensive and accuse you of being manipulative or trying to undermine them, turning the tables and making you feel like the unreasonable one.
• The target of amnesia: This superior conveniently forgets previous discussions or agreements, leaving you feeling unheard and frustrated.
  • Scenario: You have a meeting with your boss about a project deadline extension. They agree to it. Later, they deny ever making this agreement, leaving you scrambling to meet the original deadline.

Impact of gaslighting and how to cope

Gaslighting isn't a harmless manipulation tactic. It can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional well-being. Here's how.

• Erosion of self-esteem: When your reality is constantly questioned, you start doubting your own judgment and memories. This can lead to low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness.
• Anxiety and depression: Chronic gaslighting can trigger anxiety as you become hyper-aware of your surroundings and interactions. It can also lead to depression due to feelings of helplessness and isolation.
• Confusion and disorientation: Gaslighting disrupts your sense of reality, making it difficult to trust your own perceptions. This can be extremely confusing and disorienting.

Strategies to cope

If you're experiencing gaslighting, here are some steps you can take to protect yourself and your well-being.

• Set boundaries: Limit contact with the gaslighter if possible and desired. If you can't avoid them completely, set clear boundaries about what behavior you won't tolerate. Directly express your needs and be prepared to walk away from unhealthy interactions.
• Document everything: Keep a record of the gaslighting you experience. Note down dates, times, and specific details of what was said or done. This documentation can be helpful if you need to confront the gaslighter or seek professional support.
• Trust your gut: Don't let someone else dictate your reality. If something feels off, it probably is. Pay attention to your intuition and don't dismiss your own feelings.
• Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about what you're going through. Having a support system can make a big difference in your healing process.

Remember, you are not alone. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and it's important to seek help if you're experiencing it. There are resources available to help you reclaim your power and rebuild your self-esteem.

Find a vetted therapist on Best Therapists today.

Final thoughts

Gaslighting can be a complex and insidious form of emotional abuse. By recognizing the tactics used and understanding the impact it can have, you're well on your way to protecting yourself. Remember, you deserve healthy relationships built on trust and respect.

If you find yourself questioning your reality or feeling unheard, don't hesitate to reach out for support. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. There are also resources available online and through mental health organizations. Take back control of your narrative and rebuild your sense of self-worth. You are stronger than you know.

Find a vetted therapist on Best Therapists today.