30 Real-Life Examples of Manipulation in Relationships

Love and healthy relationships are supposed to be built on trust, respect, and open communication. Yet, sometimes, partners fall into manipulative behaviors that erode these foundations.

At its core, manipulation is the use of deceptive or indirect tactics to control someone's behavior, thoughts, or emotions. It often stems from a desire for power or a need to feel secure in the relationship, even if it comes at the expense of the other person's well-being. 

By understanding the different forms of manipulation and their impact, we can learn to identify them and protect ourselves from emotional harm.

If you suspect that you are being abused, please go to the the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support is available, and you're not alone.‍

Examples of manipulation in relationships explained

Emotional manipulation

• Gaslighting: Manipulating someone into questioning their own reality or sanity by denying or distorting the truth.
  • Example: “I never said that, so you can’t be upset at me.”
  • Impact: Invalidation and questioning your sanity
  • Consequence: Discounting your own experience, feelings, memory, or needs.
• Guilt-tripping: Making someone feel guilty for their actions or decisions to control them.
  • Example: "After all I've done for you, you can't even help me with this?"  
  • Impact: Guilt, obligation, and resentment.  
  • Consequence: Giving in to unreasonable demands and feeling like a bad person.
• Playing the victim: Manipulating situations to portray oneself as the victim, gaining sympathy and control.
  • Example: "Why do you always have to make everything about you? I'm the one who's always getting hurt here." (after you express a concern).  
  • Impact: Sympathy for the manipulator and feeling responsible for their emotions. 
  • Consequence: Taking blame for their actions and neglecting your own needs.
• Silent treatment: Using silence as a form of punishment or control to manipulate the other person's behavior.
  • Example: Refusing to speak to you after an argument.  
  • Impact: Feeling shut out, isolated, and desperate for reconciliation.  
  • Consequence: Giving in to their demands or apologizing excessively just to break the silence.
• Emotional blackmail: Threatening to withdraw love, affection, or support unless certain demands are met.
  • Example: "If you leave me, I'll kill myself."  
  • Impact: Fear, anxiety, and feeling responsible for their well-being.  
  • Consequence: Staying in a toxic relationship out of fear.
• Manipulative praise: Offering insincere compliments or praise to manipulate the other person's behavior or emotions.
  • Example: "That outfit looks amazing on you... but it would look even better if you lost a few pounds."  
  • Impact: Feeling insecure and unsure of genuine compliments.  
  • Consequence: Obsessive focus on appearance and difficulty accepting compliments.
• Love bombing: Showering someone with excessive affection, attention, and gifts to gain control over them.
  • Example: Showering someone with gifts and compliments in the early stages of a relationship.  
  • Impact: Feeling swept off your feet and intensely attached.  
  • Consequence: Rushing into a relationship and overlooking red flags.
• Isolation: Manipulating someone into cutting off contact with friends, family, or support networks to increase dependence.
  • Example: Discouraging you from seeing friends or family by making excuses or starting arguments before plans.  
  • Impact: Feeling lonely, isolated, and dependent on the manipulator.  
  • Consequence: Loss of social support and a weakened sense of self.
• Withholding affection: Using the absence of love, intimacy, or affection as a tool for control or punishment.
  • Example: Giving you the cold shoulder after a disagreement.  
  • Impact: Feeling rejected, insecure, and seeking their approval.  
  • Consequence: Changing your behavior to win back their affection.
• Triangulation: Introducing a third party into the relationship to create jealousy, insecurity, or competition.
  • Example: Bringing up an ex or flirting with someone else to make you jealous.  
  • Impact: Insecurity, jealousy, and questioning your self-worth.  
  • Consequence: Focusing on the competition and losing sight of the manipulative behavior.

Behavioral manipulation

• Financial control: Controlling or restricting access to finances to maintain power and control in the relationship.
  • Example: Taking your debit card or refusing to contribute to shared expenses.  
  • Impact: Feeling powerless, dependent, and unable to make your own financial decisions.  
  • Consequence: Financial instability and difficulty leaving the relationship.
• Threats: Using intimidation or threats of harm to manipulate behavior or silence opposition.
  • Example: "If you tell anyone about this, I'll..." (followed by a threat).  
  • Impact: Fear, intimidation, and feeling like you're walking on eggshells.  
  • Consequence: Staying silent about abuse and feeling controlled.
• Using children: Using children as pawns or weapons to manipulate the other person's behavior or decisions.
  • Example: Threatening to withhold custody or bad-mouthing the other parent to manipulate child custody agreements.  
  • Impact: Children caught in the middle, emotional manipulation, and potential damage to parent-child relationships.  
  • Consequence: Complex family dynamics and potential legal trouble.
• Love withdrawal: Threatening to withdraw love or affection unless certain conditions are met.
  • Example: Refusing intimacy or affection until you do something they want.  
  • Impact: Feeling emotionally distant, rejected, and unloved.  
  • Consequence: Giving in to their demands and difficulty feeling secure in the relationship.
• Overwhelm and confusion: Bombarding the other person with information, requests, or demands to create confusion and compliance.
  • Example: Bombarding you with texts, calls, and demands, making it hard to keep track and think clearly.  
  • Impact: Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and unsure how to respond.  
  • Consequence: Giving in to their demands just to get some peace.
• Playing mind games: Engaging in manipulative tactics to confuse, control, or undermine the other person's confidence and judgment.
  • Example: Deliberately lying or contradicting themselves to confuse and destabilize you.  
  • Impact: Feeling confused, questioning your reality, and having difficulty trusting your own judgment.  
  • Consequence: Second-guessing yourself and becoming dependent on their approval.
• False promises: Making promises with no intention of fulfilling them to manipulate the other person's behavior or emotions.
  • Example: Promising to change but never following through.  
  • Impact: Feeling disappointed, frustrated, and like you can't trust their word. 
  • Consequence: Repeating the same cycle of manipulation and broken promises.
• Intermittent reinforcement: Alternating between positive and negative behaviors to keep the other person off balance and dependent.
  • Example: Alternating between affection and coldness to keep you off-balance and craving their approval.  
  • Impact: Feeling confused, insecure, and addicted to their unpredictable behavior. 
  • Consequence: Difficulty setting boundaries and staying in a toxic cycle.
• Scapegoating: Blaming the other person for problems or failures to avoid taking responsibility.
  • Example: Blaming you for their mistakes or problems to avoid taking responsibility.  
  • Impact: Feeling unfairly targeted, responsible for their actions, and defensive.  
  • Consequence: Taking the blame and neglecting to hold them accountable.
• Emotional manipulation through sex: Using sex or intimacy as a tool for manipulation, control, or coercion.
  • Example: Withholding sex as punishment or pressuring you into sex when you don't want to.  
  • Impact: Feeling used, pressured, and like your intimacy is conditional.  
  • Consequence: Difficulty having a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Communication manipulation

• Criticism disguised as concern: Constantly criticizing or undermining the other person under the guise of caring or concern.
  • Example: "I'm just saying this because I care, but that outfit really does nothing for you."  
  • Impact: Feeling undermined, insecure, and questioning your choices.  
  • Consequence: Low self-esteem and difficulty making decisions.
• Passive-aggressive behavior: Indirectly expressing anger, resentment, or hostility through subtle, manipulative actions or words.
  • Example: Giving you the silent treatment instead of directly communicating their anger.  
  • Impact: Confusion, frustration, and taking responsibility for their unexpressed feelings.  
  • Consequence: Difficulty resolving conflict and feeling like you can't please them.
• Future-faking: Making false promises or commitments about the future to manipulate the other person's present behavior.
  • Example: "We'll get married and have kids someday, just wait and see." (with no actual commitment).  
  • Impact: False hope, attachment, and putting your life on hold.  
  • Consequence: Disappointment, wasted time, and missed opportunities.
• Projecting blame: Blaming the other person for one's own mistakes or shortcomings to avoid responsibility.
  • Example: "You're the reason I'm always so angry." (when their anger stems from their own issues).  
  • Impact: Feeling blamed and confused about the situation.  
  • Consequence: Taking responsibility for their actions and neglecting to address the real problems.
• Manipulative exaggeration: Exaggerating emotions or situations to evoke sympathy or guilt from the other person.
  • Example: "You never listen to me! You always do this!" (over a minor disagreement).  
  • Impact: Feeling defensive, belittled, and questioning your own memory.  
  • Consequence: Difficulty trusting your own perception and constantly apologizing.
• Stonewalling: Refusing to engage in communication or discussion to avoid accountability or resolve issues.
  • Example: Refusing to talk about a problem and shutting down communication.  
  • Impact: Feeling unheard, frustrated, and like you're being punished.  
  • Consequence: Unresolved conflict, emotional distance, and resentment building up.
• Conditional love: Making love or affection contingent upon meeting certain conditions or demands.
  • Example: "I'll only love you if you..." (followed by a condition).  
  • Impact: Feeling like you have to earn their love and constantly walking on eggshells.  
  • Consequence: Never feeling secure in the relationship and constantly seeking their approval.
• Controlling information: Withholding or manipulating information to control the other person's perceptions, choices, or actions.
  • Example: Withholding information, lying, or gaslighting you to control your perception of reality.  
  • Impact: Feeling confused, distrustful, and questioning your own judgment.  
  • Consequence: Difficulty making informed decisions and feeling isolated from the truth.

Psychological manipulation

• Gaslighting: Manipulating someone into doubting their own reality or sanity through denial or distortion of the truth.
  • Example: "You're being overdramatic. We never had that fight!" (when you clearly remember the argument).  
  • Impact: Erosion of self-trust, confusion, and self-doubt.  
  • Consequence: Difficulty making decisions and questioning your own sanity.
• Love bombing: Showering someone with excessive affection and attention to quickly gain control over them in a relationship.
  • Example: Showering someone with gifts and compliments in the early stages of a relationship.  
  • Impact: Feeling swept off your feet and intensely attached.  
  • Consequence: Rushing into a relationship and overlooking red flags.
• Isolation: Manipulating someone into cutting off contact with friends or family to increase dependence on the manipulator.
  • Example: Discouraging you from seeing friends or family by making excuses or starting arguments before plans.  
  • Impact: Feeling lonely, isolated, and dependent on the manipulator.  
  • Consequence: Loss of social support and a weakened sense of self.
• Withholding affection: Intentionally depriving someone of love, intimacy, or affection as a form of punishment or control.
  • Example: Giving you the cold shoulder after a disagreement. 
  • Impact: Feeling rejected, insecure, and seeking their approval.  
  • Consequence: Changing your behavior to win back their affection.
• Future-faking: Making false promises or commitments about the future to manipulate the other person's behavior or emotions.
  • Example: "We'll get married and have kids someday, just wait and see." (with no actual commitment).  
  • Impact: False hope, attachment, and putting your life on hold.  
  • Consequence: Disappointment, wasted time, and missed opportunities.
• Playing mind games: Engaging in manipulative tactics to confuse, control, or undermine the other person's confidence and judgment.
  • Example: Deliberately lying or contradicting themselves to confuse and destabilize you.  
  • Impact: Feeling confused, questioning your reality, and having difficulty trusting your own judgment.  
  • Consequence: Second-guessing yourself and becoming dependent on their approval.
• Exploiting vulnerabilities: Manipulating someone's insecurities, fears, or weaknesses for personal gain or control in the relationship.
  • Example: Preying on your insecurities or fears to control you or get what they want.  
  • Impact: Feeling manipulated, unsafe, and exposed.  
  • Consequence: Loss of trust and difficulty forming healthy relationships.

Healthy communication vs. manipulation: Understanding the difference

Healthy communication overview

Healthy communication is the bedrock of strong relationships. It allows partners to express their needs, wants, and feelings openly and honestly. Here are some key aspects of healthy communication:

• Mutual Respect: Both partners listen actively, acknowledge each other's perspectives, and avoid personal attacks.
• Openness and Honesty: There's a willingness to share thoughts and feelings openly and authentically, without fear of judgment.
• Compromise and Collaboration: Partners work together to find solutions that meet everyone's needs, fostering a sense of teamwork.
• Emotional Regulation: Disagreements are expressed calmly and respectfully, with a focus on problem-solving rather than blame.

Manipulation overview

Manipulation, on the other hand, is a deceptive and indirect way of controlling someone. It prioritizes the manipulator's needs and desires over the well-being of the other person. Here are some key signs of manipulation in communication:

• One-Sided Conversations: The conversation revolves around the manipulator's needs and feelings, with little to no room for the other person to express themselves.
• Guilt Trips and Emotional Blackmail: Manipulation often uses guilt, fear, or obligation to control the other person's behavior.
• Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Instead of directly communicating their needs, the manipulator might resort to sarcasm, sulking, or the silent treatment.
• Dismissive and Belittling Language: The manipulator might put down the other person's feelings or opinions, making them feel unheard and unimportant.

By understanding the hallmarks of both healthy communication and manipulation, you can be better equipped to identify manipulative behavior and navigate your relationships with greater confidence.

Protecting yourself from manipulation

Being on the receiving end of manipulation can be emotionally draining and confusing. Here are some strategies to empower yourself and respond effectively:

• Setting Boundaries: Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. They define what acceptable and unacceptable behavior is for you.  When you identify manipulation, set clear boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate. Communicate your boundaries calmly and assertively, and be prepared to enforce them.
• Assertive Communication: Assertive communication allows you to express your needs and feelings honestly and directly, without resorting to aggression or passivity. When responding to manipulation, use "I" statements to take ownership of your feelings. For example, "I feel disrespected when you raise your voice at me."
  • Here are some tips for assertive communication:
    • Maintain eye contact and a calm demeanor.
    • Focus on the behavior, not the person.
    • State your needs and expectations clearly.
    • Practice saying "no" confidently.

• Seeking Help: If you're struggling in a manipulative relationship and feel overwhelmed, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can provide valuable guidance on setting boundaries, developing assertive communication skills, and coping with the emotional impact of manipulation. They can also help you assess the safety and health of the relationship and explore your options, including leaving if necessary.

Remember, everyone deserves to be in a healthy and respectful relationship. By recognizing manipulation and taking steps to protect yourself, you can create a more positive and empowering dynamic for yourself.

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