.svg){kind=small}
Do you cry every time you see an actor tearing up on TV? Do you feel overwhelmed by “big” feelings? Have you ever been told to be “less sensitive?”
I know I have! I’m a living, breathing, highly sensitive person, and it’s taken me years to embrace my sensitivity (and learn how to manage it).
Before we dive in, please internalize that being sensitive is NOT a bad thing. It’s a beautiful thing about you, and I’m 99% positive that your sensitivity is what your friends and family love about you.
That being said, it’s tough to be a sensitive person in a not-so-sensitive world. What you need is to build up some confidence and coping mechanisms that help you show up as your authentic self while protecting your sensitive soul.
In this post, I’ll…
- Teach you my go-to coping mechanisms (i.e., how to “stop being sensitive”)
- Hypothesize on why you are sensitive, and…
- Explain why being sensitive isn’t a bad thing.
Let’s get into it!
Why am I so sensitive?
If you don’t have a lot of sensitive friends or family members, you might feel like there’s something wrong with you. But we’re more common than you think: it’s estimated that 15-20% of people have the highly sensitive trait.
There are many psychological theories as to how our personalities develop, but most agree on the concept of nature vs. nurture.
Nature is what we are born with, and it consists of traits that we are genetically predisposed to express. So yes–we are born with the tendency to be sensitive!
Nurture, on the other hand, is the effect that events, environments, and people have on our personalities. Just because you’re predisposed to something doesn’t mean that you end up expressing that trait–your personality must be “nurtured” in order to express certain traits.
For example, if you had an erratic and unpredictable family member, you may have learned to become hyper-sensitive in order to predict their reactions (especially if they were abusive). Your situation is totally unique, but I’m sure you can think of a few things that may have nurtured your personality so that you became more sensitive.
Is being sensitive bad?
Like I said before, being sensitive is NOT a bad thing. Sensitivity is a beautiful trait, but it can make us more vulnerable to hurt.
I believe that our greatest strengths are also our greatest weaknesses. My sensitivity makes me a supportive friend, partner, sister, and daughter; it makes me an empathetic leader; it helps me tap into my creative side and see the beauty in life, and more. On the other hand, it also sometimes makes me reactive to well-intentioned feedback and overwhelmed (so many feelings… so little time).
Positives of being sensitive
Although being sensitive is difficult, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Here are some of the positives that you can expect as a sensitive person.
Sensitivity makes you more attentive to your mental health
Many people ignore their mental health until they can’t anymore.
Highly sensitive people don’t have that choice–we have to confront our mental health sooner since our emotions are stronger and change more frequently.
You may have been the first of your friends in therapy, but that also means you have been benefiting from therapy and caring for your mental wellness longer! Doing this work prepares you for all the ups and downs of life, which increases your resiliency so you can take on the hard stuff.
Sensitivity enriches how you experience the world
Have you ever welled up with tears when listening to music? Do you ever feel so overwhelmed by the love you have for your pets, partner, family, and friends that it takes your breath away?
Sensitivity deepens the human experience, allowing us to soak up all the beauty and richness that life has to offer. Our emotional range is more intense, but that also means we experience the good-feeling emotions more intensely, too.
Sensitivity makes you empathetic
Since you feel it all, you’re more likely to intuit what someone else is feeling and understand where they’re coming from.
Empathy is an excellent trait to have in a friend, partner, family member, teammate, and boss, but it’s important not to confuse “big feelings” with empathy.
Just because you feel a lot of stuff doesn’t necessarily mean that you understand someone else. You have to be careful to not take up all the emotional space in your relationships, which brings me to the downsides of being a sensitive person.
Downsides of being sensitive
You’re likely here because you’re currently experiencing the downsides of being sensitive, so I’m sure you can relate to the tougher parts of being sensitive.
Your emotions can “drive the car”
When our emotions are too strong, they can take over, placing our feelings in the driver’s seat of our lives.
At times, this may make you feel like your emotions are in control, which makes you feel out of control.
Your sensitivity can affect your judgment
Although being sensitive is not a bad thing, being sensitive can make you feel bad. Looking back on my life, I can identify moments where my sensitivity affected my judgment, and therefore influenced how I experienced something.
For example, I’ve perceived innocuous comments from family members as extremely hurtful. Maybe you’ve catastrophized a stressful situation that wasn’t actually that serious.
When we’re sensitive, sometimes we lose sight of the facts, and that makes us more vulnerable to getting hurt. We also take things really hard; we struggle to “shake things off.”
You can take up too much emotional space
Have you ever spent time with someone who takes up all the “emotional space?” When our feelings are TOO big, other people may feel like there’s no room for them. This can result in relationships where others cater to our emotions, and that can lead to resentment and dishonesty.
Although no relationship is 50/50 all the time, highly sensitive people like us have to be careful that we don’t bulldoze other people.
7 ways to “stop” being so sensitive
Now’s the time to start assembling your coping mechanisms! Remember that the goal shouldn’t be to stop being sensitive–the goal should be to learn how to authentically show up in the world while protecting your sensitive soul.
1. Accept yourself
Embrace your sensitivity!
Accepting yourself is probably the opposite of what you were hoping to do here, but it’s a crucial first step. Rejecting your sensitivity doesn’t make it go away. If we repress our sensitivity, our emotions are more likely to build up over time and then spiral out of control.
2. Understand the nature of emotions
As overwhelming as emotions can feel, remember that emotions are temporary! Most emotions usually pass within 30 minutes. So the next time you feel particularly overpowered by your feelings, remember that they will pass.
If you want to stop feeling an emotion sooner, try completing the stress cycle. You can exercise, cry it out, watch a funny movie, or do something else to tell your body that it’s safe. After you complete the stress cycle, your body will return to a more neutral emotional state.
3. Don’t take things personally
It took me years to internalize it, but I believe that 95% of other people’s reactions to us are not personal.
We’re all on our own paths, trying our best, and making mistakes. We unconsciously hurt others, and we’re often so preoccupied with our own lives that we don’t think about how our behavior affects the people around us.
When you feel yourself becoming hyper-sensitive, ask yourself is this really about me? To take the edge off of my reactions, I tell myself that other people’s comments and behaviors are not necessarily a critique of my character. They could be having a bad day, or perhaps they’re reacting from a place of insecurity.
Give people the benefit of the doubt, and don’t assume that what they’re doing or saying is about you.
4. Find an outlet for your emotions
If you’re sensitive, it’s crucial to find an outlet for your emotions.
In some cases, talking through your emotions with a loved one is a good outlet. But if you want to avoid taking up all the emotional space in your relationships, you need to develop other outlets that don’t involve people. It’s unfair to expect other people to always be receptive and have the space for your feelings (and this applies to everyone–not just sensitive people).
Whether you take up journaling, painting, or kickboxing, find a way to work through your emotions as they arise. It becomes easier over time, but it takes practice to channel your emotions into healthy outlets.
5. Set boundaries
Not everyone should be privy to your emotional life.
Just because we feel overcome by our emotions doesn’t mean that the first person we come across should hear about them. Oversharing might feel good in the moment, but nine times out of ten, you’ll be thankful that you saved your thoughts for a loved one.
Additionally, set boundaries with friends and family who tend to trigger you.
Most of my advice has centered around what you can take responsibility for, but some people bring out our sensitivity in a bad way (you know who they are). If they consistently trigger you, they may not be a safe person for your sensitive heart.
6. Face the facts
When you’re feeling overwhelmed by your sensitivity, take comfort in the facts.
Take a step back and make a factual assessment of what’s actually going on. Let your panic pass before responding to a text, or online shop after you’ve completed the stress cycle.
Sometimes our sensitivity makes us feel crazy (I know I’ve felt this way), so centering on reality helps us act from a place of assuredness and stability.
7. Focus on your mental health
Caring for your mental health is important for everyone, but for highly sensitive people, it’s a must.
Experiencing, processing, and releasing your emotions in a healthy setting will make your life infinitely better. Whether you begin a meditation practice or start seeing a therapist, invest in your mental health!
Find a therapist to help you embrace and manage your sensitivity
Yes, there are therapists who specialize in treating highly sensitive people! It’s an absolute game-changer, and we have therapists on Best Therapists who are ready to help you celebrate your sensitivity and thrive.
