Dealing with Narcissists in Different Settings & Relationships

Quick answer: You can't change a narcissist, but you can protect yourself by setting firm boundaries, refusing to engage in their circular arguments, and recognizing that their behavior isn't about you.

If you're dealing with a narcissist, I'm guessing you feel completely drained. Maybe you're constantly defending yourself, explaining basic empathy concepts that should be obvious, or wondering why every conversation turns into a minefield. They twist your words, never take responsibility, and somehow make everything about them even when it clearly isn't. And the worst part? You might be questioning your own reality because they're so good at making you feel like you're the problem.

Here's what I wish someone had told me earlier: you cannot change them. You can't logic them into caring, argue them into accountability, or love them into seeing your perspective. What you can do is protect yourself. Set boundaries that actually stick, refuse to get sucked into their circular arguments, and stop investing so much emotional energy into someone who won't reciprocate. Once you understand that narcissistic behavior follows predictable patterns, it gets easier to stop taking it personally and start taking care of yourself.

Below, I'll walk you through real examples of dealing with narcissists across different relationships and settings. You'll probably recognize some of these scenarios, and hopefully the strategies will help you feel less alone and more equipped to handle what you're facing.

In Romantic Relationships

Example 1: The Conversation Hijacker

• What it is: Your partner makes everything about their needs while dismissing yours as unimportant or unreasonable.
• Scenario: You try to talk about feeling hurt by something they did, but within minutes the conversation has shifted to how you're too sensitive, how hard things are for them, or how you're attacking them for no reason. They never actually apologize or acknowledge your feelings. Instead, you end up comforting them and feeling guilty for bringing it up in the first place. This happens every single time you try to discuss a problem.
• How to deal with it: Stop trying to get them to understand or validate your feelings. State your boundary once clearly and then enforce it with action, not more words. If they violate the boundary, follow through with consequences. Don't engage in circular arguments or explain yourself repeatedly. Either accept that this is who they are and adjust your expectations, or consider whether the relationship is worth the cost to your wellbeing.

Example 2: The Attention Demander

• What it is: Your partner needs constant admiration and becomes cold or punishing when you don't provide enough praise or attention.
• Scenario: When you're attentive and complimentary, your partner is loving and engaged. But if you have a busy week at work or are dealing with your own stress, they become distant, critical, or start picking fights. They accuse you of not caring about them or suggest you're taking them for granted. You feel like you're constantly performing to keep them happy, and any attention you give yourself or others is seen as taking something away from them.
• How to deal with it: Refuse to participate in the dynamic where your attention is used as a reward or withdrawal system. Maintain your own life, interests, and relationships regardless of their reaction. Don't apologize for having needs or spending time on other priorities. If they punish you with coldness or criticism, don't chase or try to fix it. Let them sit with their discomfort. The relationship should not require you to make yourself smaller to keep them inflated.

At Work

Example 3: The Credit Thief

• Example: A narcissistic colleague or boss takes credit for your work while blaming you for their mistakes.
• Scenario: You completed a major project that your boss presented to leadership as their own idea. When it succeeded, they never mentioned your name. Now a different project has problems, and suddenly it's entirely your fault even though they made the key decisions. In meetings, they interrupt you, dismiss your suggestions, but then present the same ideas later as their own. You feel invisible when things go well and hypervisible when they go wrong.
• How to deal with it: Document everything in writing. Send follow up emails after meetings summarizing what was discussed and decided. Copy relevant people on project updates so your contributions are visible to others. Keep records of their directives and decisions so you can't be blamed later. Don't expect fairness or acknowledgment from them. Instead, build relationships with others in the organization who can see your actual work and advocate for you.

Example 4: The Office Drama Queen

• Example: A coworker creates drama, spreads gossip, and positions themselves as superior to everyone else.
• Scenario: This person constantly talks about how busy and important they are, name drops people they know, and implies everyone else's work is less valuable. They spread gossip about colleagues while positioning themselves as the reasonable one. They take any feedback as a personal attack and make themselves the victim in every situation. Working with them means walking on eggshells and dealing with their need to be seen as the star of the office.
• How to deal with it: Keep all interactions professional and documented. Don't share personal information with them or engage in gossip. When they try to create drama or triangulate, refuse to participate by staying neutral and redirecting to work topics. Build strong relationships with other colleagues so you have witnesses and support if needed. Don't try to expose them or fight them directly, as narcissists are often skilled at making others look like the problem. Focus on doing excellent work that speaks for itself.

In Friendships

Example 5: The Taker Friend

• Example: A friend only contacts you when they need something but is unavailable when you need support.
• Scenario: Your friend calls crying about their relationship drama and you spend hours listening and helping them process. The next week, you're going through something difficult and reach out, but they say they're too busy or change the subject back to themselves within minutes. They regularly cancel plans with you but expect you to drop everything when they need you. You realize the friendship only exists on their terms and revolves entirely around their needs.
• How to deal with it: Stop being as available as you have been. Match their energy and investment level. When they reach out needing support, it's okay to say you're not available. Stop initiating plans or checking in. Notice if the friendship continues to exist when you're not doing all the work. Be prepared for them to either disappear or suddenly become angry and accuse you of being a bad friend. Real friendships are reciprocal, and you deserve people who show up for you too.

Example 6: The One Upper

• Example: A friend constantly one ups you and turns your achievements or struggles into opportunities to talk about themselves.
• Scenario: You share that you got a promotion and they immediately launch into how they turned down an even better opportunity or how their career is more demanding. When you're struggling with something, they dismiss it by explaining how they had it worse or managed it better. Every conversation becomes a competition where they need to be more successful, more interesting, or more troubled than you. You stop sharing anything because you know it will just become about them.
• How to deal with it: Stop sharing meaningful updates or vulnerable moments with them. Keep conversations surface level. Don't compete or try to prove yourself, as this just feeds the dynamic. Recognize that this person cannot genuinely celebrate you or hold space for your feelings. Invest your time and emotional energy in friendships where you can be authentic without it being turned into a comparison. You don't owe them continued closeness just because of history.

With Family Members

Example 7: The Guilt Tripper

• What it is: A narcissistic parent or sibling uses guilt, manipulation, and family loyalty to control your choices.
• Scenario: You set a boundary about holiday plans or how often you'll visit, and suddenly you're selfish, ungrateful, and tearing the family apart. They tell other family members a distorted version of events to make you look bad. They bring up everything they've ever done for you as evidence that you owe them whatever they're demanding. Any attempt to have a calm conversation gets derailed into accusations about your character or past behavior.
• How to deal with it: Accept that you cannot make them understand or agree with your boundaries. State your decision once and don't justify, argue, defend, or explain (JADE). Expect pushback, guilt trips, and triangulation with other family members. Decide in advance what you're willing to tolerate and what will result in you leaving or ending contact. Don't get drawn into defending yourself to other family members. The people who matter will respect your boundaries even if they don't fully understand them.

Example 8: The Constant Comparer

• Example: A family member compares you to siblings or others and makes you feel like you're never good enough.
• Scenario: No matter what you accomplish, they find a way to diminish it by comparing you to someone who did it better or earlier. Your sibling's career is always more impressive, their life choices always more respectable, their children always better behaved. When you do succeed at something, they minimize it or shift focus immediately to what you should do next. You feel like you're constantly auditioning for approval you'll never receive.
• How to deal with it: Stop seeking their approval or validation. Recognize that their comparisons say more about them than about you. Don't defend yourself or try to prove your worth. Limit what you share about your life so they have less ammunition. Build your sense of self worth from people who genuinely support you, not from someone who uses comparison as a control tactic. Remember that you don't need their endorsement to know your value.

In Social or Community Settings

Example 9: The Group Dominator

• Example: Someone dominates group conversations, dismisses others' contributions, and needs to be the center of attention.
• Scenario: At every book club meeting, PTA gathering, or community event, this person talks over everyone, steers every topic back to themselves, and subtly puts down others' opinions. They position themselves as the expert on everything and get visibly irritated when someone else gets attention or praise. Group dynamics shift around them, and people start self censoring or disengaging because dealing with them is exhausting.
• How to deal with it: Don't try to change them or call them out publicly, as this often makes things worse and positions you as the problem. Instead, redirect conversations when possible and amplify other voices ("I'd love to hear what Sarah thinks about this"). Keep your own contributions brief and don't get drawn into debates with them. Maintain connections with other group members outside the setting where the narcissist dominates. If their behavior is severely impacting the group, work with organizers or other members to establish structured conversation norms that limit dominating behavior.

Example 10: The Social Manipulator

• Example: Someone in your social circle creates division by gossiping, manipulating, and pitting people against each other.
• Scenario: This person is always sharing "concerns" about mutual friends, telling you what others supposedly said about you, and positioning themselves as the person who really understands what's going on. They play both sides, appearing supportive to everyone while secretly creating drama and mistrust. Friend groups start fracturing, and you realize this person is often at the center of conflicts while claiming to be the peacemaker or the victim.
• How to deal with it: Don't share personal information with them or engage when they try to gossip about others. If they tell you someone said something negative about you, either ignore it or go directly to that person to verify rather than believing the narcissist's version. Build direct relationships with other people in the group so you're not dependent on this person as a conduit for information. If possible, gradually reduce your involvement in settings where they dominate. Protect your other friendships by not letting them triangulate or manipulate you into conflicts.

Moving Forward

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: dealing with narcissists is exhausting. You can't logic them into empathy or argue them into accountability because they're fundamentally not interested in mutual understanding. They're interested in maintaining their self image and getting their needs met, full stop.

The sooner you accept that you cannot change them, the sooner you can redirect all that energy toward protecting yourself. Set boundaries that you actually enforce, document interactions if you need to, and please stop trying to make them see your perspective. Surround yourself with people who don't make you constantly defend your reality or beg to be heard, because that's not what healthy relationships look like.

And if you need extra support, know that doesn't make you weak. Therapy can give you the tools, encouragement, and accountability to follow through with these steps and start prioritizing more fulfilling connections.