How to Respond to Invalidation in Different Settings & Relationships

Ever shared your feelings, only to be met with a dismissive “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal”? That’s invalidation—and it stings. Whether it happens at work, in a relationship, or with family, being dismissed can make you doubt yourself or shut down altogether.

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to just sit with that discomfort. Learning how to respond to invalidation can help you set boundaries, protect your confidence, and keep your relationships healthier.

In this post, we’ll break down how to navigate invalidation in different settings—whether it’s a passive-aggressive boss, a well-meaning but dismissive partner, or a family member who just doesn’t get it. Let’s dive in.

Understanding invalidation

What is invalidation and why does it hurt?

We've all been there—you open up about a feeling, concern, or experience, only to be met with a response that leaves you feeling dismissed, unheard, or even foolish for speaking up. This is invalidation, and while it can be subtle, its impact can be deeply painful.

Invalidation isn’t just about the words people use; it’s also about how they say them. It can show up in two main ways:

Verbal Invalidation

This is the most obvious form, where someone directly minimizes, contradicts, or brushes off your feelings or experiences. Some common examples include:

• Dismissive phrases: “You’re overreacting,” “It’s not that big of a deal,” “Just get over it.”
• Comparisons: “Other people have it worse,” “At least you’re not dealing with…”
• Negations: “That never happened,” “You’re just imagining things,” “You’re being dramatic.”
• Advice instead of validation: “Just think positive,” “You should try being grateful,” “Have you tried not feeling that way?”

Nonverbal Invalidation

Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Invalidation can also come through body language, tone, and other subtle cues, such as:

• Eye rolling, sighing, or shaking the head while you're talking
• Interrupting or talking over you instead of listening
• Walking away or changing the subject when you express emotions
• Laughing or smirking at your feelings or concerns
• Ignoring messages or refusing to engage in a conversation about your emotions

Regardless of how it happens, invalidation can make you question your own feelings, withdraw from sharing, and even doubt your self-worth. Recognizing it is the first step toward protecting your emotional well-being and seeking out relationships where your experiences are heard and respected.

Why do people invalidate?

People don’t always set out to invalidate others, but that doesn’t make it any less painful when it happens. There are many reasons why someone might respond in a way that dismisses or undermines your feelings. Here are some of the most common:

• Discomfort with emotions – Some people struggle to handle strong emotions—their own or others’. Invalidation can be a way to shut down a conversation and avoid emotional vulnerability.
• Lack of communication skills – Not everyone knows how to respond to difficult emotions in a supportive way. Instead, they might resort to dismissive or minimizing remarks because they don’t know what else to say.
• Need for control – In some cases, invalidation is a way for someone to maintain a sense of control over a situation, a conversation, or even another person’s emotions.
• Unconscious bias – Preconceived notions, stereotypes, or personal experiences can shape how someone perceives another person’s emotions, leading them to dismiss or downplay what’s being shared.
• Misguided attempts to help – Sometimes, people think they’re being helpful by offering solutions, reframing the situation, or encouraging a “positive” perspective—without realizing that what’s really needed is validation and support.
• Emotional exhaustion or overwhelm – If someone is already feeling drained, they might unintentionally invalidate others simply because they don’t have the emotional capacity to engage.
• Cultural or generational differences – What one person sees as emotional expression, another might view as overreacting. Cultural beliefs or generational attitudes about emotions can influence how people respond.

While invalidation is often unintentional, that doesn’t make its impact any less real. Recognizing the reasons behind it can help you set boundaries, communicate your needs, and seek out relationships where you feel heard and respected.

General strategies for responding to invalidation and taking back your voice

Being invalidated can leave you feeling hurt, angry, and confused. But remember, you have the power to navigate these situations and protect your emotional well-being. Here are some strategies to equip yourself:

1. Stay calm and collected

The sting of invalidation can trigger a strong emotional reaction, but taking a moment to breathe can help you respond more effectively.

• Example: If a friend rolls their eyes and says, “You always take things too seriously,” pause, take a deep breath, and decide how you want to address it instead of reacting in the heat of the moment.

2. Use "I" statements for assertive communication

"I" statements help you express your feelings without sounding accusatory, making it more likely that the other person will hear you out.

• Example: Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel dismissed when I share something important, and it’s brushed off.”

3. Set boundaries when necessary

If someone repeatedly invalidates you, setting boundaries can help protect your emotional space. This might mean stepping away from a conversation, limiting your interactions, or directly addressing the issue.

• Example: If a friend constantly interrupts you and dismisses your ideas, you might say, “I need to finish my thought before you respond. I want to make sure I’m being heard.”

4. Validate yourself

Even if others don’t acknowledge your emotions, you can. Your feelings are real and worthy of recognition.

• Example: If someone tells you, “You’re overreacting,” remind yourself, “My feelings are valid, and it’s okay to be upset about this.”

By using these strategies, you can effectively respond to invalidation and protect your emotional well-being. Remember, communication and self-compassion are key!

Strategies for responding to invalidation at work (with examples)

The workplace can be a breeding ground for invalidation, impacting your confidence and performance. Here are some strategies to navigate these situations effectively:

1. Stay calm and professional

Reacting impulsively can escalate the situation. Instead, take a deep breath and respond with composure.

• Example: If your boss dismisses your concerns with, “Don’t worry about it, we’ll figure it out later,” you can reply, “I appreciate that, [Boss’s Name]. I’d love to schedule a quick meeting to go over some potential solutions before moving forward.”

2. Focus on facts and impact

Ground your response in data, logic, or past successes to reinforce your point.

• Example: If a colleague says, “That won’t work, we’ve always done it this way,” counter with, “I understand the current approach has been effective, but market trends have shifted. Here’s data showing how this new strategy could boost engagement by X%.”

3. Redirect the Conversation Back to Your Point

If someone dismisses or talks over you, calmly bring the discussion back to your original point.

• Example: If a coworker cuts you off mid-explanation, say, “I’d like to finish my thought, as I believe this directly impacts our project goals.”

4. Seek clarification

If someone downplays your concerns, asking follow-up questions can encourage a more constructive conversation.

• Example: If your manager says, “Everyone feels overwhelmed sometimes,” you might respond, “I appreciate that. Could we discuss prioritizing my tasks to make sure deadlines are met effectively?”

5. Request a private discussion

If invalidation happens in front of others, addressing it privately can lead to a more productive conversation.

• Example: If a client says, “Anyone could do this job,” you can respond, “I’d be happy to go over my process in more detail. Perhaps we could set up a time to discuss your concerns privately.”

6. Document the incident

If invalidation is part of a larger pattern of workplace issues, keeping a record can help you advocate for yourself.

• Example: If a colleague repeatedly dismisses your input or undermines you, note the date, time, details of the incident, and any witnesses in case you need to escalate the issue.

7. Seek support from HR or a trusted colleague

If direct confrontation isn’t an option, discussing the situation with HR or a supportive colleague can help you explore possible solutions.

• Example: If ongoing invalidation is affecting your work environment, you might say to HR, “I’d like to talk about a recurring issue where my contributions are being dismissed. I’d appreciate guidance on how to address this professionally.”

Remember, responding to invalidation at work requires a delicate balance between assertiveness and professionalism. By staying calm, focusing on facts, and using clear communication, you can protect your voice and ensure your ideas are heard.

Strategies for responding to invalidation from family members (with examples)

Invalidation from family members can feel especially painful, given the close relationships and the emotional stakes involved. Here are strategies to navigate these difficult moments and protect your emotional well-being.

1. Acknowledge the family dynamic

Communicating your emotions using “I” statements can express your needs without triggering defensiveness.

• Example: If a parent minimizes your feelings about a break-up by saying, “You’ll get over it, there are plenty of other fish in the sea,” you might say, “I know you want me to be happy, and I appreciate that. Right now, though, this break-up is tough for me, and I’d really appreciate your understanding and support.”

2. Use "I" statements with empathy

Example: A parent minimizes your feelings about a break-up with "You'll get over it, there are plenty of other fish in the sea." Express your feelings with empathy for theirs. "I understand you want me to be happy, but this break-up is difficult right now. I'd appreciate your support as I navigate my emotions."

3. Set boundaries when needed

Setting clear boundaries helps protect your emotional space and preserve your mental health.

• Example: If a relative constantly criticizes your life choices, you can say, “I appreciate your concern, but I am confident in the decisions I’m making. Let’s focus on other topics when we spend time together.”

4. Suggest a time-out

When emotions run high, suggesting a break can help prevent further invalidation or conflict.

• Example: If a conversation starts to get heated and you feel invalidated, you can say, “This conversation is getting intense. I think we should take a short break and come back to it when we’ve both had a chance to cool down.”

5. Validate yourself internally

In moments when others dismiss or downplay your accomplishments, affirm your own worth and success.

• Example: If a family member responds to your success with, “That’s no big deal,” you can internally acknowledge, “Even if they don’t understand, I’m proud of how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved.”

By using these strategies—acknowledging dynamics, setting boundaries, and expressing yourself assertively—you can navigate invalidation within family relationships while maintaining your sense of self and emotional health.

Strategies for responding to invalidation from friends (with examples)

Friends are meant to be our support system, so when they invalidate our feelings, it can be particularly painful. Here are strategies to help you navigate these situations and strengthen your friendships:

1. Express the importance of friendship and open communication

Let your friend know how much you value open communication in your relationship.

• Example: If a friend dismisses your concerns about a new relationship by saying, “You’re overthinking it, just relax,” you could say, “Our friendship means a lot to me, and I value your advice. But I’d really appreciate it if you could listen to my concerns without brushing them off.”

2. Use "I" statements to explain your perspective

Using “I” statements helps explain your emotions without sounding accusatory.

• Example: If a friend minimizes your excitement about a new job opportunity with, “That sounds like a lot of stress, are you sure?” you could say, “I understand it might seem stressful, but I’m really excited about the potential and the challenge ahead.”

3. Offer lighthearted correction

If the invalidation is mild or playful, offer a correction with humor to keep the tone light.

• Example: If a friend dismisses your artistic ability with, “Anyone can draw a bit,” you might respond, “Maybe not win any awards, but I’m working on it! Let’s take an art class together sometime!”

4. Seek validation from other friends

Expand your social circle to find friends who support and understand your interests.

• Example: If a friend group constantly jokes about your hobbies, making you feel ridiculed, consider spending time with friends who appreciate your interests and give you positive feedback.

5. Consider the friendship dynamic

If invalidation is a recurring issue, reflect on whether this friendship is genuinely supportive.

• Example: If a friend consistently invalidates your feelings, ask yourself if this behavior is a one-time incident or part of a larger pattern. If it's the latter, it might be time to reassess whether this friendship is healthy for you.

6. Directly address the invalidation

Sometimes, directly confronting the invalidation can help clear the air and set boundaries.

• Example: If a friend minimizes your struggles with, “Everyone goes through tough times,” you could respond, “I understand that everyone faces challenges, but right now I’m really struggling. I would really appreciate your support and a listening ear.”

Remember, true friends should create a safe space for you to express your feelings. By using "I" statements, prioritizing your needs, and seeking support when needed, you can navigate invalidation and build stronger friendships.

Strategies for responding to invalidation from a romantic partner (with examples)

Romantic relationships thrive on emotional intimacy and mutual respect. Invalidation from a partner can be particularly damaging, but there are ways to handle these situations and strengthen your bond. Here are some strategies to guide you:

1. Focus on building emotional intimacy

Creating a deeper emotional connection can help navigate moments of invalidation.

• Example: If your partner dismisses your need for physical touch with, “I’m not really a touchy-feely person,” you can say, “Physical touch is important to me, but more than that, I want to feel emotionally connected. Can we talk about ways to show affection that work for both of us?”

2. Validate your partner's feelings while expressing your own

Acknowledge your partner’s emotions while making room for your own.

• Example: If your partner feels threatened by your success and says, “It wasn’t that big of a deal anyway,” you could respond, “I understand that you might feel insecure, but I’m really proud of this achievement. It would mean a lot if you could celebrate with me.”

3. Use "I" statements to express your needs

Expressing your needs using “I” statements can foster understanding and compromise.

• Example: If your partner constantly criticizes your hobbies with, “That’s a waste of time,” you might say, “I value my hobbies because they help me relax. Would you be open to trying them with me, or maybe I can support a hobby you enjoy?”

4. Set boundaries if invalidation is frequent

Establishing clear boundaries can protect your emotional well-being.

• Example: If your partner frequently makes jokes at your expense, leaving you feeling hurt and belittled, you could say, “Your jokes are starting to hurt my feelings. I need you to be respectful when you talk to me.”

5. Seek support from a therapist or trusted friend

If invalidation is affecting your self-esteem, talking to a therapist or trusted friend can provide valuable perspective and coping strategies.

• Example: If constant invalidation is negatively impacting your self-worth, consider confiding in a therapist or trusted friend to help you process your emotions and gain clarity about your relationship.

6. Consider couples counseling

If invalidation persists, couples counseling can be an effective way to address communication issues and strengthen your relationship.

• Example: If, despite your best efforts, invalidation continues to be a major issue, you could suggest, “I think it might help if we go to couples counseling together so we can learn healthier ways to communicate and work through this.”

Remember, a healthy relationship requires open communication, empathy, and respect. By using "I" statements, expressing your needs, and prioritizing your well-being, you can address invalidation and build a stronger, more supportive partnership.

Caring for yourself after invalidation

Being invalidated can leave you feeling shaken and upset, but it’s essential to take steps to care for yourself afterward. Here are some ways to nurture your emotional well-being and rebuild your sense of self:

• Acknowledge your feelings: It's important to recognize how you're feeling in the moment. Give yourself permission to feel upset or hurt without judgment.
  • Example: “It’s okay to feel hurt right now. My feelings are valid.”
• Take a breather: If the situation was intense, step away to regain your calm. Space allows you to collect your thoughts before reacting.
  • Example: “I need a few minutes to myself to process what just happened.”
• Show yourself compassion: Offer yourself the same kindness and understanding that you would a friend. You don’t deserve to feel dismissed.
  • Example: “I’m being kind to myself right now. My feelings are important, and I deserve respect.”
• Engage in activities that restore you: Do something that helps you reconnect with yourself—whether it’s a hobby, exercise, or something relaxing.
  • Example: “I’m going to take a walk to clear my mind and focus on my own well-being.”
• Reach out to a supportive person: Share your experience with someone who will listen and validate your feelings, whether it’s a trusted friend or a therapist.
  • Example: “I need to talk about what happened today with someone who understands.”
• Remind yourself of your worth: Invalidation can make you doubt yourself, but remember your value and the strengths that make you unique.
  • Example: “I know I’m worthy of respect and my feelings matter.”
• Journal to process your thoughts: Writing can help you work through your emotions and gain perspective on the situation.
  • Example: “I’m going to write down what happened and how I’m feeling. It helps me make sense of it.”

By tending to your emotional needs after you experience invalidation, you can make sure that you're getting what you need—even if others can't give it to you.

Final thoughts

Experiencing invalidation can be painful, but it doesn't define your worth. You have the right to be heard, understood, and respected in every relationship. By using the strategies shared in this blog, you can approach invalidation with confidence and safeguard your emotional well-being.

If invalidation is affecting your mental health or becoming a recurring issue, seeking professional support can be incredibly helpful. A therapist can guide you in developing healthier communication techniques and fostering stronger, more supportive connections.

You are deserving of respect and understanding. Empower yourself—take the next step in prioritizing your emotional health.

Find a therapist today!