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May 17, 2024

Parental Emotional Abuse Test

Kristie Plantinga
,
MA
a mother and daughter stand outside in the woods wearing exercise clothing; parental emotional abuse test
Guides
May 17, 2024
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It can be immensely painful and confusing to face the possibility that you've experienced emotional abuse from a parent. This is a sensitive and complex issue that no one should have to navigate alone. 

You may have long since accepted hurtful behaviors as "normal" in your family, or felt deep shame and self-doubt about the way you were treated. Perhaps you've always known something wasn't right, but struggled to put a name to it. 

Whatever your personal experience, please understand that your feelings are valid and you are not to blame. Parental emotional abuse can have devastating impacts on one's mental health, self-esteem, and ability to form healthy relationships. 

This test is designed to provide clarity, not to pass judgment. As you reflect on the questions ahead, try to approach your experience with compassion. 

Remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, and care, and that support is available if the results indicate you've experienced emotional abuse. You have the strength to heal.

If you suspect that you are being abused and feel unsafe in your home, please go to the the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support is available, and there is no shame in seeking support and advice. You're not alone. Almost half of all men and women in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

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Emotionally abusive parents Scenarios targeting teens and adult children

Emotional abuse can happen at any age. Here are some examples of how parents might exhibit emotionally abusive behavior towards their teenage or adult child.

For teenagers

Scenario 1 The public humiliator

  • The situation: You make a mistake or struggle with something in front of your friends. Your parent publicly criticizes, belittles, or mocks you, disregarding your feelings and causing humiliation.
  • The emotional abuse: This public shaming undermines your self-esteem and damages your trust in your parents.

Scenario 2 The conditional love dispenser

  • The situation: You participate in an activity or achieve something your parents don't approve of. They withhold affection, praise, or privileges as punishment, making love conditional on meeting their expectations.
  • The emotional abuse: This creates a dynamic of fear and manipulation, making you feel like you need to earn their love and approval.

For adult children

Scenario 3 The guilt-tripping machine

  • The situation: You're making plans for the holidays or a personal trip. Your parents make you feel guilty by guilting you about not spending enough time with them or using emotional manipulation to get their way.
  • The emotional abuse: This guilt trip disregards your needs and boundaries, creating an obligation to prioritize their desires over your own.

Scenario 4 The privacy invaders

  • The situation: You live on your own or have your own family. Your parents constantly call, text, or drop by unannounced, disregarding your privacy and boundaries. They might pry into your personal life or relationships.
  • The emotional abuse: This controlling behavior stifles your independence and makes you feel like you're not allowed to have privacy or boundaries.

Scenario 5 The never-ending critics

  • The situation: You share a personal achievement or milestone with your parents. They focus on criticizing minor details, pointing out flaws, or making negative comparisons, diminishing your sense of accomplishment.
  • The emotional abuse: This constant negativity undermines your confidence and self-worth, making you hesitant to share positive experiences with them.

Remember: These are just a few examples. If your parents consistently exhibit emotionally abusive behaviors that make you feel controlled, manipulated, or worthless, it's important to prioritize your well-being. Consider setting boundaries, limiting contact, or seeking therapy to navigate a healthier relationship. You deserve to feel loved and supported by your family.

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Written by
Kristie Plantinga
,
MA

Kristie Plantinga is the founder of Best Therapists. Along with being on the client-side of therapy, Kristie has had the honor of working directly with therapists in her marketing agency for therapists, TherapieSEO. While working alongside therapists, she learned about the inequities in our mental health system that therapists face on a daily basis, and she wanted to do something about it. That’s why Best Therapists is a platform designed to benefit not only therapy-seekers, but therapy providers. Kristie has a Masters degree in Written Communication and a Bachelors degree in Psychology and Music.

Reviewed by
Katelyn McMahon
,
Registered Psychotherapist, VT #097.0134200

Katelyn is a therapist-turned-writer with a passion for mental health. She has a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of England and is a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of Vermont. Katelyn has professional experience in aging care, addiction treatment, integrated health care, and private practice settings. She also has lived experience being on the client side of therapy. Currently, Katelyn is a content writer who’s passionate about spreading mental health awareness and helping other therapists and therapy-seekers Do The Work.

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