30 Passive Aggressive Examples in Different Relationships

Ever had a conversation that left you confused, frustrated, or second-guessing yourself? You might have been dealing with passive aggression. It’s a sneaky, indirect way of expressing anger, frustration, or resentment—without actually saying it. Instead of an open conversation, you get sarcasm, silent treatment, or backhanded compliments.

Passive aggression can show up in any relationship—romantic, family, friendships, even at work. A coworker who "forgets" to include you in an email. A partner who says, "I guess I’ll just do it myself." A friend who insists they’re "fine"—but clearly aren’t. It’s frustrating, and it can make communication feel like a guessing game.

In this post, we’re breaking down 30 real-life examples of passive-aggressive behavior in different relationships. By spotting these patterns, you’ll be better equipped to call them out, set boundaries, and have more honest conversations. Let’s dive in.

What Passive Aggressiveness is and is not

Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect way of expressing frustration, resentment, or anger without actually saying it. Instead of addressing issues head-on, someone might sulk, procrastinate, or throw in a sarcastic comment. As a tactic to avoid open conflict, it takes the form of subtle digs and silent resistance.

Common examples of passive-aggressive behavior

• Procrastination: Dragging their feet on a task to make a point.
• Stubbornness: Refusing to budge, even when it doesn’t make sense.
• Sabotage: Undermining someone’s efforts—intentionally or not.
• Passive resistance: Saying “sure” but never actually following through.
• Indirect insults or criticism: The classic backhanded compliment or “just kidding” jab.

What seems passive-aggressive (but might not be)

• Shyness: A shy person might avoid confrontation, but not to manipulate or control.
• Indecision: Someone struggling to make a choice isn’t necessarily being passive-aggressive.
• Poor communication skills: Sometimes, misunderstandings happen simply because someone isn’t great at expressing themselves.

Passive aggression can be tricky to spot and even trickier to deal with. It can be a complex, layered issue, and the underlying causes can vary widely from person to person. If it’s showing up in your relationships—whether from you or someone else—getting curious about the why behind it can help. And if it’s a pattern that’s causing real issues, talking to a professional might be a good next step.

Common passive aggressive examples in intimate relationships

1. The Silent Treatment Specialist: They pull away emotionally and refuse to communicate, punishing their partner with silence.

• Scenario: After a minor disagreement, Sarah stops talking to her boyfriend entirely. When he asks what's wrong, she snaps, “Nothing. Everything’s fine,” but avoids eye contact and gives one-word answers to all his attempts at conversation

2.The Chronic Procrastinator: They keep delaying or "forgetting" to do tasks their partner has asked them to handle.

• Scenario: Mark promised for weeks to fix the leaky faucet, but it’s still broken. When his wife reminds him again, he sighs and says, “I guess I’ll have to drop everything and fix it right now since it’s apparently the most important thing in the world.”

3. The Backhanded Complimenter: They deliver compliments that are actually thinly veiled insults.

• Scenario: As Jessica's partner gets ready for a night out, she says, “Wow, that outfit looks great on you. It really hides your problem areas.”

4. The Guilt Tripper: They make their partner feel guilty for having a life outside the relationship.

• Scenario: When Tom mentions plans to hang out with friends, his girlfriend Amy responds, “Oh, go ahead. I’ll just stay home alone… again. It’s fine, I’m used to it by now.”

5. The Responsibility Dodger: They "forget" or claim ignorance about shared responsibilities.

• Scenario: When Rachel asks why the bills haven't been paid, her husband David shrugs and says, “I didn’t know I was supposed to do that. You never told me. I guess I’m just not as perfect as you are at remembering everything.”

6. The Sarcasm Master: They use sarcasm to express negative feelings instead of communicating directly.

• Scenario: After Lisa arrives late to dinner, her partner Alex sarcastically remarks, “Oh look, the queen has finally decided to grace us with her presence. So kind of you to join me.”

7. The Martyr: They exaggerate their efforts and sacrifices to make their partner feel guilty or inadequate.

• Scenario: When Kevin asks Emily to help with the dishes, she sighs dramatically and says, “I suppose I can do that too, on top of everything else I do around here. It’s not like I ever get a break anyway.”

8. The Saboteur: They subtly undermine their partner's efforts or successes.

• Scenario: As Michael excitedly shares news about a promotion, his wife Natalie responds, “That’s nice, dear. I’m sure they just needed to fill the position quickly, and you were convenient.”

9. The Selective Listener: They conveniently "forget" or misinterpret things their partner says.

• Scenario: Despite Claire clearly telling him about an important event, when the day arrives, her boyfriend Jake acts surprised and says, “You never told me about this. You know I can’t read your mind, right?”

10. The Comparison King/Queen: They frequently compare their partner unfavorably to others.

• Scenario: While watching a movie, Brian comments to his girlfriend, “Wow, look at how attentive that character is to his wife. Must be nice to have someone who actually cares about your needs.”

Passive aggressive examples at work

11. The Deadline Dodger: Missing deadlines consistently without offering any real explanation.

• Scenario: Emma always turns in reports late, coming up with vague excuses like, “Oh, was that due today? I thought it was next week. The deadline wasn’t very clear.”

12. The Credit Thief: Subtly taking credit for others' work.

• Scenario: After a successful project presentation, Alex says to the team, “I’m glad my idea finally came together. It’s amazing what can happen when everyone follows my lead.”

13. The Saboteur: Withholding key information or resources to sabotage others

• Scenario: Mike "forgets" to invite a coworker to a crucial meeting, later saying, “I assumed you knew about it. Doesn’t everyone check the shared calendar?”

14. The Complainer: Constantly pointing out flaws without offering any solutions.

• Scenario: In team meetings, Sarah always shoots down other people’s ideas, sighing and saying, “Well, I guess that could work, but it seems like a lot of effort for little gain.”

15. The Silent Treatment Specialist: Ignoring colleagues or avoiding communication.

• Scenario: After a disagreement, Tom stops responding to Lisa’s emails and avoids eye contact in the office, leaving her to chase him down for crucial work-related information.

16. The Backhanded Complimenter: Giving insults disguised as praise.

• Scenario: After a presentation, Rachel says to her colleague, “Great job! I’m impressed you managed to pull that off, given your usual performance.”

17. The Responsibility Shifter: Dodging tasks by claiming incompetence.

• Scenario: When asked to take on a new project, David says, “I’m probably not the best person for this. You know how I always mess things up. Maybe someone more capable should handle it.”

18. The Procrastinator: Delaying tasks to put pressure on others.

• Scenario: Despite multiple reminders, Jessica waits until the last minute to provide important information, causing stress for the team. She then says, “I didn’t realize it was so urgent. You should have been more clear about the timeline.”

19. The Gossiper: Spreading rumors or negativity behind people’s backs.

• Scenario: Rather than addressing an issue directly, Chris tells others, “I’m worried about the quality of work coming from marketing lately. Have you noticed it too? I hope it doesn’t affect all of us.”

20. The Martyr: Dramatically exaggerating their workload to make others feel guilty.

• Scenario: When asked to help with a project, Laura sighs deeply and says, “I suppose I can add that to my impossible workload. It’s not like I have a life outside of this office anyway.”

Passive aggressive examples in friendships

21. The Flaky Friend: Constantly canceling plans at the last minute.

• Scenario: Jake agrees to meet his friend for coffee but texts 10 minutes before the scheduled time, “Sorry, something came up. Maybe next time you’ll give me more notice so I can actually make it.”

22. The Guilt Tripper: Making friends feel bad for spending time with others.

• Scenario: When Mia mentions hanging out with other friends, Sophia says, “Oh, I didn’t realize you had time for friends. I’ve been so lonely lately, but I guess that doesn’t matter to you.”

23. The Backhanded Complimenter: Disguising insults as compliments.

• Scenario: After seeing her friend's new haircut, Lisa says, “Wow, that’s… brave. I could never pull off something so… unique. It’s great that you don’t care what others think.”

24. The Silent Treatment Specialist: Ignoring messages or avoiding communication.

• Scenario: After a minor disagreement, Ryan stops responding to Alex's messages. When Alex finally confronts him, Ryan replies, “Oh, I didn’t realize you needed a response. I thought you were fine figuring things out on your own.”

25. The One-Upper: Always trying to outdo or overshadow their friends' experiences.

• Scenario: When Emily excitedly shares news about her promotion, Natalie responds, “That’s nice. I remember when I got my first promotion. Of course, mine came with a much bigger raise and more responsibilities.”

Passive aggressive examples involving family members

26. The Holiday Guilter: Using family gatherings to make others feel guilty.

• Scenario: During Thanksgiving dinner, Aunt Karen sighs and says, “It’s so nice to see everyone. I was starting to forget what you all looked like. I guess my invites for Sunday dinners just keep getting lost in the mail.”

27. The Chore Evader: Consistently "forgetting" household responsibilities.

• Scenario: When reminded to take out the trash, teenage son Tim rolls his eyes and mutters, “I guess I have to do everything around here. It’s not like I have homework or a life or anything.”

28. The Comparison King/Queen: Constantly comparing siblings or relatives.

• Scenario: Mom looks at her daughter's report card and says, “Well, at least you tried. Your brother always got straight A's without even studying. I guess not everyone can be naturally gifted.”

29. The Silent Disapprover: Using non-verbal cues to express disappointment.

• Scenario: When Dad announces his decision to change careers, Grandpa doesn’t say a word but sighs heavily, shakes his head, and leaves the room, leaving an uncomfortable silence.

30. The Martyr Parent: Exaggerating sacrifices to make children feel like they owe their parents something.

• Scenario: After buying school supplies, Mom tells her kids, “I hope you appreciate this. I’ll just have to skip lunch for a month to afford it. But don’t worry about me, your education is way more important than my basic needs.”

The impact of passive-aggressive behavior on the receiver

Passive-aggressive behavior can have a serious emotional toll on those who experience it. Here are some of the most common effects:

• Confusion and frustration: The indirect nature of passive-aggressive behavior leaves you guessing. It’s hard to figure out what the person is really feeling or trying to say, which leads to a lot of confusion.
• Emotional distress: Being on the receiving end of passive-aggressive behavior can be draining. The constant tension and lack of clarity can spark feelings of anxiety, anger, or even resentment.
• Damaged relationships: Over time, passive-aggressive behavior can slowly eat away at relationships. It creates a toxic atmosphere where trust and communication start to fall apart.
• Lowered self-esteem: If you’re constantly the target of passive-aggressive behavior, it can make you feel like you’re not good enough or that you're doing something wrong, which can really take a hit on your self-worth.
• Increased stress: Dealing with passive-aggressive behavior can be physically and emotionally exhausting. The stress of it all can contribute to health problems, both mental and physical.

Remember, passive-aggressive behavior can be a form of emotional abuse. If you're experiencing this kind of treatment, it's important to get the support you need to process and cope with it.

Why some people are passive aggressive

Passive-aggressive behavior doesn’t happen in a vacuum—it’s often the result of deeper issues or patterns that have developed over time. Understanding the "why" behind these behaviors is an important first step in figuring out how to address them. Here are some common reasons people might resort to passive-aggressive actions:

• Fear of conflict: A lot of people turn to passive-aggressive behavior to avoid direct confrontation. They may worry about the fallout from openly expressing their anger or disagreements.
• Learned behavior: Some people grow up in environments where expressing negative emotions is discouraged or even punished. Over time, passive aggression becomes their default way of communicating.
• Low self-esteem: Those with low self-esteem might not feel comfortable asserting themselves. Passive-aggressive behavior gives them a way to express their frustrations without feeling exposed or vulnerable.
• Control issues: For some, passive aggression is a way to manipulate situations or people without taking responsibility for their actions or desires.
• Emotional immaturity: Some people simply lack the emotional intelligence or communication skills to deal with their feelings in a healthy, direct way.
• Repressed anger: When people feel they can’t express their anger openly (due to societal norms, power dynamics, or other reasons), it tends to come out in subtle, indirect ways.
• Powerlessness: If someone feels powerless or out of control in a situation, passive-aggression can be their way of asserting themselves, even if it’s behind the scenes.
• Attention-seeking: For some, passive-aggressive behavior is a way to get attention or sympathy from others.
• Avoidance of responsibility: By not directly expressing their needs or frustrations, passive-aggressive individuals can avoid the responsibility of addressing or solving the problem.
• Cultural factors: In some cultures, indirect communication is valued over direct confrontation, which can encourage passive-aggressive behavior.

While these reasons aren't excuses for someone's hurtful behavior, understanding the potential causes of passive-aggression can be a helpful starting point in learning how to handle it.

Dealing with a passive aggressive person

Knowing how to interact with someone who uses passive-aggressive communication can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help. Try these tips next time you find yourself in one of the scenarios we described above.

Use direct communication

• Be clear and assertive: When you need something or have an issue, state it plainly. For example, instead of hinting that you’re frustrated about unfinished tasks, say, “I need this report by 3 p.m. today so we can stay on track.”
• Use "I" statements: This helps keep things focused on your experience, not the other person's shortcomings. For example, say, “I feel frustrated when we don’t communicate directly about deadlines” instead of “You never listen to me.”

Set boundaries

• Establish clear boundaries: Let the person know what behaviors won’t be tolerated. For example, “If you continue to cancel plans last minute, I won’t be able to rely on you for future plans.”
• Be consistent: Stick to your boundaries. If the person disregards them, follow through with the consequences you’ve outlined, like limiting your availability or interactions.

Limit exposure

• Reduce contact: If possible, minimize time spent with the passive-aggressive person. For instance, if your colleague constantly avoids direct conversations, keep interactions short and work-focused. This can help protect your emotional well-being.

Seek support

• Talk to someone: Find a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to share your frustrations and get an outside perspective. For example, call a friend after a frustrating interaction to process your feelings and gain emotional support.
• Join a support group: Connecting with others who understand can provide helpful insights and solidarity. For example, joining a group for workplace conflict resolution could help you learn new tools for dealing with passive-aggressive behavior.

Practice self-care

• Prioritize your well-being: Engage in activities that reduce stress and center you, like yoga or journaling. For instance, setting aside 20 minutes for a walk can clear your head and help you regain focus after a tense interaction.
• Set realistic expectations: Accept that you may not change the person’s behavior. Focus on taking care of yourself and maintaining healthy boundaries. For example, understand that you can’t control their actions but can control your response and self-care practices.

Dealing with passive-aggression can be emotionally draining. If the situation is getting so intense that it's affecting your mental health, consider working with a therapist to get personalized support and tools to cope.

Final thoughts

Passive-aggressive behavior can be tough to deal with, whether it's at work, in friendships, or within your family. But the good news? You don’t have to let it slide or internalize it. By recognizing the signs and applying some straightforward strategies, you can take control of the situation.

Direct communication, setting clear boundaries, and practicing self-care are key to keeping your emotional well-being intact. Remember, you have the right to be heard, respected, and treated with honesty. If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to seek support–you don’t have to navigate this alone.

In the end, dealing with passive-aggressive behavior isn't about changing others, but about protecting yourself. Stay calm, be assertive, and take action when needed. You’ve got this.