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We all have that inner voice - the one that can be our harshest critic or our greatest cheerleader.
If you've found yourself caught in a cycle of negative self-talk and feeling weighed down by self-doubt and criticism, you're not alone.
Many of us struggle with the habit of being unkind to ourselves, often without realizing how deeply it affects our mental health and overall well-being.
Learning to shift this internal dialogue towards positivity can be a transformative journey, though it's not always easy.
This article offers 12 practical exercises to help you cultivate a more compassionate and encouraging inner voice. As you explore these techniques, remember that change takes time and patience, especially if you've never worked on making a change like this before.
Positive self talk exercises
Below are 12 positive self talk exercises categorized by difficulty. Try which ones you feel comfortable with at your own pace.
Easy
- Reframe challenges
- What it is: When facing a difficulty, instead of saying "This is impossible, I can't do this," try "This is challenging, but I can find a way through it. I've done many challenging things before, and I can do it again."
- Example: You're working on a complex project and feeling overwhelmed. Instead of thinking, "This is impossible, I can't do this," try, "This is challenging, but I'm a resourceful person. I can break it down into smaller steps and tackle them one at a time."
- Time needed: This can be done in just a few seconds as you encounter the challenge.
- Celebrate small wins
- What it is: Acknowledge your progress! It's easy to only acknowledge mistakes, but be intentional about noticing your wins--even if they seem small. After completing a task as simple as wiping down your kitchen counter, give yourself a pat on the back. Being a human can be really hard.
- Example: You finally made an appointment with your doctor, even though you've been dreading it for months. Acknowledge your accomplishment by saying, "I'm proud of myself for making this appointment! I was really nervous about it, but I was courageous enough to make the call."
- Time needed: This can be done in just a few seconds after completing a task.
- Talk to yourself like a friend
- What it is: Be kind and encouraging with yourself. Think "It's okay to take a break," or "You've got this!" instead of "how could be so lazy?"
- Example: You're feeling overwhelmed with errands. Offer yourself some encouragement by saying, "It's okay to take a break and come back to this later. I deserve as much rest as everyone else!"
- Time needed: The time for this can vary depending on the situation.
- Use "I can" statements
- What it is: Replace "I can't" with empowering phrases. "I can learn this new skill," or "I can overcome this obstacle."
- Example: You're feeling intimidated by a new software program at work. Instead of thinking, "I can't learn this," tell yourself, "I can learn this new skill. I am a quick learner, and I can always ask for help if needed. Everyone needs help at one point or another."
- Time needed: This can be done in just a few seconds as you encounter the challenge.
- Mantras for stressful situations
- What it is: Choose a calming mantra to repeat during stressful moments. It can be simple like "breathe," or a grounding affirmation like "This too shall pass."
- Example: You're stuck in a crowded elevator and feeling anxious. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths while silently repeating a calming mantra. You could say "Breathe in peace, breathe out stress," or "I am strong and capable."
- Time needed: This can be done in just a few seconds during the stressful moment.
Moderate
- Daily affirmations
- What it is: Repeat positive statements about yourself. "I am worthy of love and happiness," or "I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to." Daily affirmations can take a while to feel comfortable. Be prepared to not believe these affirmations until you get the hang of this exercise! That's a normal experience with affirmations.
- Example: Set aside some time each day, perhaps in the morning or before bed, to repeat positive affirmations about yourself. You could say, "I am worthy of love and happiness," or "I am worth taking special care of."
- Time needed: This can be done in a few minutes, or incorporated into a longer meditation practice.
- Focus on strengths
- What it is: Focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. Instead of thinking "I'm stupid since I'm bad at math," think "I am a creative person who does better with abstract problem solving."
- Example: You're feeling insecure about giving a presentation. Instead of thinking "I'm awkward in front of people," think "I'm great at engaging withpeople one-on-one. I'll bring that same energy to this presentation."
- Time needed: This can be done in just a few seconds before your presentation.
- Practice gratitude
- What it is: Take a moment to appreciate the good things in your life. "I am grateful for my health," or "I'm thankful for this beautiful day." Ushering in positive energy in this way can permeate the rest of your internal experience.
- Example: Take a moment during your day to appreciate something good in your life. You could say silently, "I am grateful for my health and the ability to enjoy this beautiful sunny day."
- Time needed: This can be done in just a few seconds, or you can spend a few minutes reflecting on multiple things you're grateful for.
- Positive self-compassion
- What it is: Forgive yourself for mistakes and focus on learning. "Everyone makes mistakes, I'll do better next time."
- Example: You made a mistake at work. Instead of dwelling on it, offer yourself some self-compassion. Tell yourself, "Everyone makes mistakes. I'll learn from this and do better next time. Even if I make the same mistake, I still deserve compassion like everyone else."
- Time needed: The time for this can vary depending on the severity of the mistake and how hard you are on yourself.
- Journaling
- What it is: Take 5-10 minutes each day to write down your thoughts on a specific experience. Read your thoughts back to yourself, and lovingly notice your tone when talking about yourself and your life. If it's negative, try rewriting one or two things positively. This simple reframe can be very powerful.
- Example: Find a quiet place to sit for 5-10 minutes with a notebook or your phone's notepad app. Write about your experience when you answered a question wrong when you played trivia with friends. Read what you wrote, and notice if you spoke to yourself in a negative way. Then, try rewriting a portion of your journal entry again with more love and compassion towards yourself (like you would a friend).
- Time needed: This can be done daily, and the time commitment is relatively small.
Hard
- Positive visualization
- What it is: Imagine fiercely loving yourself, just as much as you love your friends and family.
- Example: When you feel yourself starting to talk to yourself unkindly, imagine what you would say if you loved yourself as much as you loved your pet, partner, parent, sibling, or friend. Let the feeling of love overwhelm you, and direct that feeling towards yourself.
- Time needed: The time for this can range from a few minutes to extended meditation sessions.
- Challenge negative thoughts
- What it is: Notice negative self-talk and counter it with truth. If you think "I'm a failure," replace it with "Everyone makes mistakes, I'll learn from this."
- Example: You bombed a job interview and feel like a failure. Notice this thought and counter it with truth. Tell yourself, "Everyone makes mistakes in interviews. This one experience doesn't define me. I'll learn from it and improve my interview skills for the next opportunity."
- Time needed: Depending on the intensity of the negative thought, this could take a few seconds or a few minutes of self-reflection.
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